Here I Am
by DeeBee7
Summary: Bella Swan never imagined here life would turn out this way. 38 and trapped in a small town life she never wanted, she'd long given up hope for something better. Enter Edward Cullen, the man who promised her everything but left her behind. How could he have forgotten her so easily?
1. Chapter 1

**Ok...so this is my very first fanfic. I've been writing stories for years (I have notebooks full of them) but I've always been to scared to post them on any sites.**

**But it's a new year & I've decided it's time to put my big girl panties on & just do it!**

**So if you like it, let me know. If you hate it, I wanna know that too.**

**:-D**

**Disclaimer: I don't own Twilight. Coz I would never give you 3 books of UST & then fade to black. That's just mean.**

BPOV:

The tiny bell above the door jingles, signalling another customer. I don't need to know it's a local. We don't get many outside visitors to this town, and when we do they're only ever passing through. People don't stay here by choice. Eventually everyone leaves.

Except me.

I, like all kids growing up in Forks, had plans to get out of here after graduation. Plans to start my own life, to travel the world, plans to get married and start a family, plans to never come back. But plans change. And 20 years later I'm still here, working the same job, living in the same house, watching all my friends grow up and move away, move on.

The clearing of a throat breaks me from my memories. Fixing a polite smile on my face, I look up...and I'm speechless.

"He's back!" my inner voice screams. But I can see it in his eyes, he doesn't recognise me. Not at all.

"Um...Excuse me ma'am?" His voice is as rich and velvety as I remember, but his words are an unexpected stake to my heart.

Long forgotten feelings threaten to overcome me. Years spent waiting for the day he would come back for me have all been for nothing. He's not here for me now, he's just another customer.

"Yes, how can I help you?" I offer, forcing myself to be cheerful. I'm sure I fail miserably.

"I...uh...where do you find the...um...female products?"

"Female products?"

"Yeah," he mumbles, "for...uh...periods and that." He's so adorably nervous that I almost miss what he's saying.

"Oh of course. Aisle five, just down the end there," I sigh. He's obviously running errands for his wife. He is such a good man, I have no doubt that he's a wonderful husband. I always dreamt he would be.

"Thanks," he says. As he turns to walk away, he pauses and holds his hand out to me. "I'm Edward Cullen by the way."

I can't help but stare, at his hand, at the hopeful look in his eye, at his patient smile as he waits for me to tell him my name. But I won't do it. I can't do it. I can't introduce myself like a strange. I can't pretend that I'm nothing to him, that we were nothing. Pretend that there wasn't a time when we were as close as two people could possibly be.

So I ignore him, and his hand and his eyes, and flee to my office, telling Jasper to man the counter for a while. This is so much more than I can handle after years of silence.

When I'm safe in my office, I cry. Tears stream down my face as I mourn the time we spent together, the soft kisses, the gentle caresses and lovingly whispered words. I sob my aching heart out for all the years spent waiting for him to come back, for him to take me away.

But most of all, I cry for myself, for wasting the last 20 years of my pathetic small town life on a man who made promises he didn't keep, a man who left and didn't come back.

A man who broke my heart.


	2. Chapter 2

**Wow...just WOW! I'm absolutely blown away by your response to the first chapter. Thank you all so so much.**

**I'll try to update every few days, but as I don't own a computer, it may vary. Therefore this story & any others I post will be brought to you by my Samsung Galaxy Fit smartphone!**

**For those who asked how Edward could forget, stay tuned...**

**Happy Australia Day to all my fellow Aussies, former Aussies or anyone just wanting to be Aussie for a day. Have a great one!**

**:-D**

**Disclaimer: I don't own Twilight. Coz I would never give you 3 books of UST & then fade to black. That's just mean.**

EPOV:

"Okay, I'm just going to run in and grab a few things before we head to the house," I say, parking in front of the Forks General Store. "Do you need anything?"

"Yeah," she sighs, reaching into her bag and pulling out a slip of paper. "I made a list."

I chuckle, holding up my own list. "Great minds think alike, eh?"

My attempt at lightening the mood falls flat, though considering her attitude since we left Chicago, I should be grateful she has given me more than a one word answer. I know she isn't happy about the move and I can understand that it is going to be a big adjustment for her, settling into a new town, new school, leaving all her friends behind and making new ones, but deep down I know that moving here to Forks is right for us. Now that the divorce is finalised, it's time for us to start this new chapter of our lives.

"Look Alice, do you think you can drop the whole moody teenager routine for a bit? Who knows, maybe you'll really like it here when you stop acting like it's the end of the world. I grew up here, it's a good town."

"Oh yeah?" she snaps. "And how would you know?"

I ignore her comment and get out of the car. I'm not looking for another argument, god knows we have had enough over the past few months to last a lifetime.

For me, leaving Chicago wasn't as hard as I thought it would be, the big city never held the same appeal for me as it did for Alice...or Tanya. So four years ago when I was offered the Chief of Pediatrics position at Northwestern Memorial, I knew it was time for a change.

I never believed that medicine was my calling, the only aspect of my job I did enjoy was working with children, but after the accident it seemed like the right thing to do, help others as they helped me. Carlisle was naturally supportive of my decision to follow in his footsteps, although he and Esme both urged me to take more time off, try to remember what I wanted to be, what my dreams were. But after six months of waiting for a memory, a brief recollection, a flash, anything to clue me in on who I was, what I wanted before it was all taken away.

As supportive as my Aunt and Uncle were, it was Tanya who really encouraged me to become a doctor, almost aggressively so. At the time I assumed she was just being a supportive girlfriend, we had been dating for months before the accident, if anyone knew what I wanted it would be her, but as the years went by it became clear that it was about status for her, being a rich doctors wife was her ticket into high society. I loathed it...and eventually her too. So only a week after I announced my decision to quit my job at the hospital and return to college to study education, Tanya made an announcement of her own. She was leaving me, leaving us. Said being a teachers wife wasn't what she wanted, wasn't good enough for her. Truthfully, I wasn't upset about it, I almost expected it really.

Regardless of Tanya's attitude towards my career change, I completed my qualifications and when a job came up in Forks, the town where I'd spent my childhood and teenage years according to Carlisle and Esme, I took it, hoping for not only a fresh start but a chance to uncover my past.

A tinkling bell greets me as I open the shop door, the cheerful noise makes me smile, it's a reminder of how different life is here. And how right it feels.

The General Store isn't big but I guess it more than serves it's purpose given the population. I grab a basket and wander the aisles, collecting everything on my list before I remember Alice's. Most of the items are candy or junk food but it's the last item on her list that makes me groan, makes me think I must have done something horrible in a past life, makes me remember that I am a father to a teenage daughter. Tampons.

After searching the aisles with no luck, I decided to just ask the woman behind the counter for help. She doesn't look up as I approach the counter, giving me a chance to study her without making her uncomfortable. I would guess that she is around my age maybe younger, I've never been good at judging these things, and beautiful. Her silky chestnut hair is pulled back from her face in a messy bun, leaving the creamy flawless skin of her face exposed to my wandering eyes. They begin drifting downwards before I can stop them and I realise that I'm standing here staring like a creep at a complete stranger.

I clear my throat to get her attention, she looks up at me in surprise, eyes wide lips parted, like she can't believe I'm standing in front of her. Maybe the store doesn't get as many customers as I thought, maybe she's just not used to new faces in town. I stumble and stutter my way through my query, confidence thrown by her shocked expression, but by the time she's directed me to the right aisle her eyes have changed, like they're begging me, pleading for something unknown.

Does she want me to ask her on a date? Maybe. I don't know how to read women, Tanya was the only woman I had ever been with, I haven't dated since we separated. The idea of dating this woman in front of me is incredibly appealing and I would be lying if I said I wasn't attracted to her, so I introduce myself.

Her reaction is not what I expected, she's staring, the tears in her eyes are heartbreaking. I want to apologise, take back my own name as she rushes into the back room. Stunned, I continue my shopping in a daze, barely saying a word to the kid behind the register as he rings up my purchases. I don't hear the jingle of the door, my brain working on auto-pilot until I'm sitting in my car again.

"DAD!"

"What Alice?" shaking myself out of my daze. "There's no need to shout."

"I was trying to get your attention. Are you okay?"

"Yeah...yeah I'm fine," I say, turning the key in the ignition. "You ready to see our new house?"

"Whatever."

Pulling back onto the road, heading towards our home, our future, I can't shake the feeling that I'm missing something...something big.


	3. Chapter 3

**Because you've all been so great & show this story so much love, I decided to give some back by posting this chapter early. Enjoy!**

**:-D**

**Disclaimer: I don't own Twilight. Coz I would never give you 3 books of UST & then fade to black. That's just mean.**

BPOV:

The delicious smell of homemade lasagna fills my senses as I open my front door. It's oddly comforting after an emotional week spent obsessing over my encounter with Edward, a week spent trying to convince myself that he wasn't real, that he was simply a product of my lonely imagination. Though as hard as I try I cannot make myself believe that, I'm lonely not crazy, I know he was real.

"Hi Bella," Sue's voice calls from the kitchen. "You're home late."

"Yeah sorry," I reply, removing my coat and hanging it in the closet. "I had some stock orders to go over."

"Oh, it's no problem. I thought maybe you'd gone out with friends after work, it is Friday night after all." Her tone was hopeful, I know exactly what she's implying.

"I think I'm a little too old to go out partying, don't you think?" I ask, walking into the kitchen as Sue pulls dinner from the oven.

"You're never too old to make friends though, Bella. I know I say this all the time and I know you don't agree, but it is alright to take some time off for yourself. There is a whole other world out there Bella, and you are letting it pass you by."

I ignore her, I've heard this lecture on an almost weekly basis since Sue started working for me, for us, nearly ten years ago. I know she's right but I have responsibilities, obligations, I can't drop everything to go out like other people, I can't be that selfish.

"How was he today?" I ask, no longer willing to discuss her opinions on my social life, or lack of.

She sighs, knowing the subject is closed. "He was good, still refusing to leave his room, but that's nothing new. Honestly Bella I think he's given up, he just does not want to try anymore and I can't force him, you know he'll just get upset."

"I'm going to check on him before dinner, okay?"

"Okay, I'm going to tidy up in here then head home. Is there anything else you need?"

"No, I'm fine. Thanks Sue, I'll see you on Monday."

"Sure. Have a good weekend," she says, collecting her things and heading for the door. "Call me if you change your mind."

"I will. Bye Sue."

Making my way down the hall, I pause outside his door to collect myself. No matter what is going on in my life, I will never burden him with it. Inside this house, his room, I try to remain positive, happy Bella is the only version of me he knows now. It is all an act, a charade, a brighter facade I keep in place because I love him, I never want him to know how the changes in his life have affected mine.

But in my darker hours, times when my weary body and mind falter under the pressures in my life, I hate him. It's irrational, I know this, it's not his fault this happened, it's a selfish desire to go back to the way things were, back to when it was his job to care for me, before our roles became reversed. Before I had to surrender my freedom, my dreams, before the medical bills began piling up, he had to rely on others to feed & bathe him, before he was stripped of his dignity, reduced to the shell of a man he is today.

Opening the door, I poke my head in to survey the room. The lamp on beside his bed, casting an eerie glow over the figure in the bed. He's awake.

He opens his eyes as I approach his bedside, one wide and alert, the other barely visible under its lid, unresponsive. I take his right hand in mine, squeezing gently, he squeezes back, it's our way of greeting now. I sigh, opening my mouth I say the one thing that means the most to him, and to me, as the only person who can say it to him.

"Daddy..."


	4. Chapter 4

**Thank you to everyone for the wonderful feedback on the last chapter. Yes it was sad but unfortunately there are going to be many more heartbreaking chapters in this story, I hope you'll all stick with it though.**

**:-D**

**Disclaimer: I don't own Twilight. Coz I would never give you 3 books of UST & then fade to black. That's just mean.**

EPOV:

If packing up your life and moving across country is hard, unpacking said life would be classed as a nightmare. So standing here amongst a mountain of empty boxes, I feel a smug sense of accomplishment. Sure it had taken almost two weeks, but for a move that will hopefully be our last, it was time well spent.

Gathering the boxes from the living room and moving them into the garage, I start up the stairs to collect the rest, remembering the last time we moved house. Alice was only five and we used the empty moving boxes to build a fort that took up the entire dining room, until Tanya came home, demanding we tear it down, telling us to grow up, making my baby girl cry. The memory stands out in my mind as a turning point in Alice's young life, from that day she was no longer my baby girl, no longer interested in my childish games, my jokes, me.

It was also the one and only time I asked Tanya about having more children. She said no, said Alice was a mistake, a mistake she didn't intend to make twice, that I should be grateful to have a child at all. And I was, so I let the subject go, I never brought it up again.

"Dad, where's my phone?" Speak of the devil.

"On the table by the front door...I think." I step aside as she rushes past me and down the stairs, looking ready to go out. "Where are you going?"

"Just out with friends," she shrugs.

I really want to question her, ask who these friends are, ask to meet them, meet their parents, run police checks and drug tests. But this is a small town and I trust Alice, she's a good kid, I trust that she won't get into trouble and if she ever does, I know that she'll call me. Secretly I'm envious that she's made friends faster than I have, easier than I have. Sure I've become friends with a few of my future co-workers at the school, but my only attempt of forming a friendship outside of work, with the woman at the grocery store, ended in disaster.

"Okay...well have fun and be careful," I say, just as the doorbell rings. Alice tries to open the door as little as possible and sneak out, but I'm right behind her, opening the door wide, startling our...guest.

The young guy standing on our porch looks ready to run, his hands combing through his shaggy blonde hair, eyes darting between me and the beat up Charger parked at the curb, until his eyes lock on Alice. He stops fidgeting, straightens his stance, clears his throat. Interesting.

"Good afternoon, I'm Jasper Whitlock, sir," he says, extending a hand in my direction. His voice is confident but his hand is shaking. The knowledge that I'm making this kid nervous just by standing here makes me feel powerful. I've never been in this situation before, Alice has never had young gentlemen callers, none that I know of anyway, I wonder how much I can get away with when it comes to interrogating this kid.

But out of the corner of my eye I can see Alice pleading with me to not embarrass her, to not make a scene. This boy must be important to her and as wary as I am of teenage boys sniffing around my daughter, I can't disappoint her.

"Nice to meet you Jasper," I say, giving his hand a firm shake, he barely flinches. I'm impressed. "Is that your car?"

"Um...yes Mr...I mean sir," he stutters. "It looks pretty bad but I promise we'll be safe...I mean I'm safe...it's...the car. The car is safe." He almost looks like he's in pain, he's so flustered and as fun as I find torturing this kid, for Alice's sake I have to put him out of his misery.

"Okay, okay I get it," I say turning to Alice. "I want you home by 9:30, no later or I will come looking for you, alright?"

She's about to argue when Jasper interrupts. "That's no problem, sir. I promise I'll have her home at exactly 9:30."

"Good man. I will see you at 9:30 then, be good."

Alice hugs me quickly before following Jasper down the steps, towards the car. As they make their way down the path, I realise I've seen Jasper before.

"Hey Jasper."

"Yes sir?"

"You work at the grocery store, don't you?"

"Um...yeah? he says, unsure of why I'm asking.

"I just wanted to ask you about the woman you work with. Long brown hair, around my age?"

"Who, Bella?" He tilts his head, narrowing his eyes. "Why do you want to know?"

"No reason, I was just wondering," I brush off his curiosity.

"Oh...her name's Bella Swan, she owns the store."

"Great, well you kids have fun and Take care of my little girl, alright?"

"Yes, Mr Cullen."

I stay on the porch watching them into the car and drive away, thinking about the information that Jasper had given me. Bella. Beautiful name for a beautiful woman. Chuckling at my own cheesiness, I head inside to work on my new lesson plans.

But after an hour of working I give up, my brain refusing to concentrate on anything except Bella. Her reaction that day should have deterred me from pursuing her, she clearly wasn't interested in me, yet I still felt drawn to her, this inescapable need to be there for her, with her, to erase the sadness from her beautiful eyes.

I decided I needed a plan, a chance to introduce myself again. I hadn't seen her around town, so the chances of coincidentally running into her were slim, leaving me with only one option. I would have to back to Bella's store.


	5. Chapter 5

**Thanks to everyone who's read this story, put it on alert or wrote a review (they've all been positive so far! Yay!). You guys are the absolute greatest!**

**:-D**

**Disclaimer: I don't own Twilight. Coz I would never give you 3 books of UST & then fade to black. That's just mean.**

BPOV:

"He's back."

I look up to see Angela standing in the doorway, smirking at me. This conversation has become a daily occurrence since her curiosity of earlier in the week gradually developed into suspicion. She knows there is something going on, she's waiting for me to confirm it. I feel like a terrible person, keeping secrets. A terrible friend.

"Who's back?" And a coward. I play coy, hoping she will let the topic go, that she won't ask for more, that she'll cover for me again. Unfortunately Angela's patience has already run out.

"Oh, no no," she says, shaking her finger at me. "You know exactly who I'm talking about. And don't you dare try to tell me there is nothing going on, he's been here everyday this week, asking about you. Wait...are you in some kind of trouble?"

Her concern for me weakens my resolve, I can tell Angela, she's been my closest friend for years. If I'm honest she's my only real friend, I trust her. I am so confused about this whole situation, about Edwards unexpected reappearance, our disastrous meeting, about his week long shopping expedition. I need help, Angela's help.

"Okay," I sigh, I'm stalling, gathering my courage. "If I tell you something, you cannot tell anyone else, understand?"

"Not another soul, I promise," she interrupts. I believe her, I know her, she doesn't have to promise.

"That man out there is _Edward_."

"I know, Edward Cullen," she says, rolling her eyes.

"What I mean is Edward Cullen is _the_ Edward." I can tell by the look on her face that she doesn't understand what I'm saying. "Look...remember I told you about my high school boyfriend, the one that left town, the boyfriend I never heard from again? Well..that's Edward...Cullen."

"OH MY GOD! Your Edward is that Edward?" she yells, pointing out the door.

"Ssshh," I whisper. "He'll hear you."

"Sorry, sorry," she says, slumping down on the sofa, shocked. "Wow...so what are you going to do? Confront him?"

"That's the problem, Ange. I can't confront him, he doesn't remember me. I don't know what happened to him, why he's like this but when he first came in here a few weeks ago, he tried to introduce himself. I ran away from him, I have no idea why he's back or why he wants to talk to me. I don't know what to do."

I can almost hear the wheels turning in her head as she processes what I've just told her. After a minute or two, a sly smile creeps across her face.

"Have you considered that he might just be trying to get your attention, to get to know?" she asks. "You are a beautiful woman Bella, and before you say it, no you are most definitely not 'over the hill', you have so much to offer a guy. Maybe new Edward sees the same things old Edward did. Maybe his connection to you is still there, even if he doesn't understand why. Just think, this could be a second chance for both of you."

Her words make me think, my brain conjuring up memories of Edward and I, of when we first met. Memories of a nervous 16 year old boy, who visited my family's store just to see me, a blushing stuttering mess, desperately hanging on his every word, every look. Maybe Angela is right, maybe he still feels our connection, maybe somewhere, deep within his mind, is a memory of us. I have to do this, if there's a chance for him to get back his memories, for us to get back what we had, I have to try.

"Okay," I say, standing up, walking towards the door before I can change my mind. "I'm going to talk to him."

"Really?" she asks, clearly not believing that I would take her advice.

"Yeah...I have to do this. I want to."

I see him as soon as I enter the store, standing by the register, waiting patiently, determined. Walking closer, the shock of our last encounter worn off, I study his features, comparing a teenage Edward to the man I see today. He's taller, his body more developed, his age showing in the wrinkles at the corner of eyes, the silver dusting his copper hair. He has never looked more handsome, more attractive to me.

By the time I reached the counter he's watching me, smiling. I can't stop myself from smiling back. My heart beating hard in my chest, butterflies stirring inside me, I'm frozen, speechless, I'm only able to stare. And smile. And embrace the overwhelming sense of deja vu I get when he finally breaks the silence.

"Go out with me, Bella Swan," he whispers, his voice husky, hypnotic. "Please?"

I'm lost, I'm powerless.

"Yes."


	6. Chapter 6

**So...this is E & B's first date! I'm a little excited but sooo nervous too. I hope this chapter lives up to all of your expectations. If not, feel free to let me know. Enjoy...**

**:-D**

**Disclaimer: I don't own Twilight. Coz I would never give you 3 books of UST & then fade to black. That's just mean.**

EPOV:

"Yes."

Yes?

She said yes?

I can't remember a time that I felt more relieved, more excited, happy, my smile threatening to split my face in two. I thought for certain she would say no, so offended by how I basically demanded she date me, that she would run and hide again, this time forever.

What was that? 'Go out with me, Bella Swan'? I do not know where those words came from, I had a very different speech prepared for when I finally got the chance to speak to Bella again, something more heartfelt, more romantic, but seeing her standing in front of me, watching me, smiling, the words could not be stopped as they tumbled out of my mouth.

I don't regret them now, she's still smiling, she's still here.

"Great...are you free for dinner tonight?" Her face falls, I'm losing her, maybe I sound too desperate. "Or...or whatever night you're free? I could give you my number and you ca-"

"No...no it's not that...I mean," she interrupts, pausing to collect herself, possibly thinking of a way to let me down gently. "I...I have...family commitments, I can't be out late at night, any night. I'm really sorry Edward."

Family commitments? I had never considered that she might have a family, possibly children of her own, to care for on her own, there father no longer around, as she doesn't wear a ring. Her eyes are apologetic, so full of sadness, but she did say yes, we still have a chance.

"Hey, it's alright," I say softly, placing my hand gently on hers as it rests on the counter. "I understand, I do, I have a daughter myself. What about coffee? Do you drink coffee? Or tea? I'm sure they sell tea too, we could do that?"

The sweetest, most beautiful giggle escapes her lips at my rambling. "Coffee sounds great," she says, her smile back where it belongs.

"Now?" I'm eager, too eager, as though I'm placing too much importance on this one date, but to me, this feels more important than just another date, it means more.

"Um...sure," she laughs. "Let me just check with Angela."

Removing her hand from, she disappears into the back of the store. Once she's out of my sight, I take a moment to get myself together. I am an adult, a grown man, I need to act like one, not an over-excited teenager. I don't remember behaving this way when I was a teenager, I don't even remember being one.

"Ready?" Bella asks as she approaches.

"Absolutely," I say, smiling, offering her my hand, walking out of the store and towards the small cafe on the corner, always smiling.

The silence between us is comfortable as we place our orders and sit down at a table at the back of the cafe, away from the other customers. I want us to have a little privacy, this is a date after all. While sitting here with Bella does not feel awkward, I quickly realise that if I ever want to get to know her better, I'm going to have to start a conversation with her.

"So Bella," I say, taking a sip from my cup. "Have you lived in Forks long?" I immediately want to kick myself for asking her such a boring question, though I suppose it is what people do on a first date, ask all the small, harmless questions. Once again I find myself wishing I had more experience.

"Most of my life," she says. "I moved here when I was 15. You've just moved here, haven't you? From Chicago?" I nod. "That's quite a change of pace, what made you decide to move here?"

"Well...I'd recently changed careers, I was a doctor, now I'm a teacher, so when I began looking for a permanent position, my Aunt Esme suggested Forks. I think it was the right decision for us."

"Us?"

"Yeah...um, my daughter and I...it's just my daughter and I," I say, not wanting her to get the wrong impression of me.

"Alice, right?"

"Uh...yeah," I answer, confused as to how she knew that.

"Jasper," she smiles, answering my unspoken question. "He talks about her quite a lot. I think they may be...friends."

I rub my hands down my face and groan. I really don't like the way that sounds, the pause she took before saying friends. Alice and I are definitely going to have a serious discussion about this Jasper kid tonight, but right now, while I have this time with Bella, I just want to focus on us.

As uncomfortable as it is hearing about Alice and her...friend, it serves as the perfect ice breaker for us, conversation flowing freely between us until our cups are empty and it's time for Bella to return to the store.

I tell her more about Chicago, about my old life, career, my new one here, teaching biology. My heart swelling with pride when she tells me that I'd be a great teacher, that she's proud of me for doing something I love. I barely mention Tanya and the divorce, nor do I bring up the subject of my parents, the accident. It's too soon for us.

Bella talks about her work, friends, life in Forks, but doesn't mention her family, only to say that she doesn't have any children, never married, the topic erasing her smile.

We stick to more positive subjects on our walk back to Bella's store, her hand in mine, it feels natural, easy.

"So..."

"So," she echoes, chuckling.

"I had a really great time today," I say, stopping outside the store. Bella chuckles at my words, I can't help but laugh along. "Wow...that was really cliche wasn't it?"

"Just a little," she says, her smile hidden behind her free hand.

"Look...I like you and I really want to see where this goes," I tell her honestly, giving her hand a gentle squeeze. I want her to know that I'm serious about us, that my intentions are good. "I know you've got obligations after work, I do too, so I was thinking that we could do this again tomorrow? Or maybe lunch?"

She smiles shyly, blushing, and nods her head, but I want more, I want to hear her voice.

"Say it," I whisper, moving closer to her.

Our faces only inches apart, growing steadily closer, her eyes stare intently into mine, dropping to my lips for a split second. She wants me to kiss her, I want to kiss her, but I need to hear her say it first, I need to hear her say...

"Yes."

Her soft pillowy lips meet mine perfectly, heavenly, the spark from this one kiss setting my entire body alight. The feeling is indescribable, I want to pull her closer, consume her, but now is not the time and the main street of Forks is definitely not the place. I pull away slowly, placing a gentle peck on her forehead before taking a step back.

After our whispered goodbyes and promises for tomorrow, she slowly disappears into the store, leaving me standing on the sidewalk, a smile on my face, a warmth in my chest...

...and an unexplainable thumping in my head.


	7. Chapter 7

**Thank you, thank you, thank you! I'm so relieved that you all liked the last chapter, personally I was expecting some negative reviews, I wasn't 100% happy with it.**

**I'm considering writing an outtake of Edward & Bella's very first date (16 y.o. E &B) for Valentine's Day. I'm undecided, so if enough of you wonderful readers would like to read it, I'll post it. Let me know.**

**:-D**

**Disclaimer: I don't own Twilight. Coz I would never give you 3 books of UST & then fade to black. That's just mean.**

BPOV:

"I've got a great idea," Edward says, pulling two pieces of paper from my printer tray, placing one in front of each of us, grabbing a pen for himself.

We're having lunch in my office today, the torrential rain outside preventing us from venturing out to the cafe or the nearby park, which had become our regular picnic spot in the last two weeks, since our perfect first date, our magical kiss, our second chance.

It had been hard at first to reconcile Edward with the boy I once knew, differences not obvious to those who had spent the the past two decades with him, stood out clearly to me. Whether his former self had vanished along with his memories or if he had simply changed over time, I couldn't say, but my shy awkwardly beautiful boy had been replaced by this confident handsome man. Regardless, my feelings, our connection, had remained unchanged.

"And what, oh wise one, is your great idea?" I ask, grinning at his excitement.

"Well...not that I'm judging you...because you know I would never do that, right? Judge you?"

"I know you wouldn't, Edward," I say slowly, unsure of where this conversation is going, what his point is.

"Great," he seems relieved by my answer. "Ok...I know you don't really get out much, you haven't done or seen a lot of things, and honestly neither have I, so I was thinking that we could make a list."

"Of things I haven't done?" I ask, more confused than ever.

"Yes," he exclaims. "Well not necessarily the things you, we, haven't done, more the things we want to do. Things we've always wanted to do."

This is the first time he had referred to us as that. We. The way the word rolls off his tongue, we, like there was never a time when we were anything but. We. I can't hide my joy, I don't even try.

I had already given up wishing that Edward would miraculously remember me, content with what we have now, what the future holds for us, but his idea gives me hope. I may have missed out on a lot of experiences, but apparently so had Edward. This is something only we can share, together. We have this opportunity now to do everything we had planned to do together when we were young, fulfill all our dreams, all my dreams, all his.

So excited by his plan, I have failed to consider the reality of my life, my job...and Charlie. And while I'm touched that he would want to help me expand my horizons, it still doesn't eliminate the obligations that have tied me to Forks for all these years, obligations he clearly didn't think of when he planned this idea.

I drop my pen and sigh. "This isn't going to work, Edward. We can't even go out to dinner like a normal couple, when are we going to find the time to do all this? When am I going to find the time?"

"I thought we could do one item from our lists every week. It's just one day, Bella. I know you're busy, but taking one day off a week isn't going to kill you."

"I can't...I have...I just can't," I whisper sadly.

"Bella," he says sadly, scooting his chair closer, taking my face in his hands. "What's going on? I know you're hiding something, something serious. Whatever it is, you know you can tell me, that's what I'm here for, to lean on. I can help, I want to help."

I want to be angry with him, call him a hypocrite, because I know that he's hiding something too, but I want to let him in, let him be there for me, share my burden, my fears. Give him a chance to walk away.

I pull away from him, taking his hands in mine as they fall from my face, needing both distance and to feel our connection, feel his support.

"My father had a stroke when I was in my senior year of high school," I begin. "He was working late at the store when it happened. I...I found him, he must have been there for an hour, maybe more by the time I did."

Edward drops my hands and pulls me into his lap, allowing my tears to soak his shirt. He doesn't say anything, patiently waiting for me to continue, just holding me, sharing my sadness.

I clear my throat before continuing. "The doctors said it was caused by a blood clot, his brain was starved of oxygen."

"Ischemia," Edward murmurs into my hair.

"Yeah...by the time I found him, by the time he got to the hospital, got help, the damage was irreversible," I sob. "He's alive, but he can't speak, or walk without help, he can barely see. He has to rely on others to take care of all his basic needs. I know he hates me taking care of him like this, but I don't have a choice, he is still my dad. I still love him."

"Oh...Bella."

"I have a nurse who takes care of him while I'm at work, but with his medical bill, the store, I can't afford to pay someone to provide around the clock care, I have to do it myself. Sometimes it's just so...so hard...so unfair."

Sobs shake my body as I clutch Edwards shirt in my fists, letting all the guilt, the frustration flow out with my tears, while Edward holds me tight, whispering comforting words in my ear.

"Sssh, baby, I've got you, don't worry. You don't have to do it alone anymore, Bella. I promise, you will never be alone again."

And I believe him.


	8. Chapter 8

**I'm so so sorry that I've taken so long to update. I came across a story recently that also contained the "list" idea & the activity that E & B did was the same one I had planned for this chapter. So, airing on the side of caution, I decided to rewrite the entire chapter. For those interested, the story was My Life Without Me by Betty Lovegood. It's beautifully tragic, an amazing story.**

**So...I'd like to respond to comments made by a guest reviewer, particularly her opinion that Bella is pathetic for wasting her life away in Forks. This may seem like a negative comment, but I actually think they make a valid point, that to some her life would seem pathetic, especially to those born & raised in a city. But I grew up in a small town in Tasmania (population of around 100), I personally know people like Bella, people that had no choice but to stay in that small town.**

**I believe Bella is not so much pathetic as she is self-sacrificing. She could have chosen to place Charlie in a convalescent home & gone to track Edward down, instead she chose to put Charlie's needs before her own, despite the outcome. In this story Bella needed to be broken down or she would have no reason to grow.**

**Okay now that that's out of the way...**

**The Valentines Day outtake is now posted on my profile for those who are interested in reading it.**

**As always, I'd like to say a huge thank you to everyone reading, following and reviewing this story, your support means the world to me.**

**:-D**

**Disclaimer: Not mine, not even close.**

EPOV:

"Oh god, oh god, oh god."

"Relax Edward," Bella chuckles. "It's going to fine."

"Fine?" I exclaim, clearly she doesn't realise how dangerous this is. "It's made of wood, Bella. Wood! That is all that's stopping us from plunging to our deaths. Wood!"

"Stop it," she hisses at me. "You're scaring everyone."

Tearing my eyes away from the death trap in front of me, I turn to look at the people seated behind us, locking eyes with a man two rows back. He looks furious, the child beside him, clutching onto his arm for dear life, looks terrified. I mumble an apology and turn back around.

Bella's soft hand covers my white knuckles as I grip onto the bar, the smile I give her in gratitude is weak, but it's a much better alternative to crying like a little girl. I'm scared of heights, I'm scared of dying, but I am even more scared of disappointing Bella, so if she wants to ride this rollercoaster, then I will gladly strap myself into a tiny speeding carriage and ride the creaky wooden rails, just to make her happy.

Three months. That's how long it had taken for Bella to completely own me, own my heart. Every touch, every kiss, every moment spent with her confirms what I already know. I'm in love with this amazing woman, she is my future, but I have not told her any of this yet, I'm still unsure of how she would feel about it.

I had planned to tell her weeks ago during our hot air balloon ride. Not only was it an activity chosen by Bella, it was also incredibly romantic, the perfect setting to share my feelings with Bella. But as we floated through the air, our arms around each other, the sun setting in the background, the words on the tip of my tongue, I saw an emotion flicker in Bella's eyes, and it was not the one I'd hoped for. It could only be described as panic, and my confidence faltered, the fear of rejection too great. I knew that Bella cares for me, perhaps not yet as strongly as I do for her. I decided then that I would wait until Bella was ready, until she could say those three words back.

"Thank you for doing this for me," she says, kissing my cheek, smiling.

"I would do anything for you Bella," I say sincerely, my eyes begging her to feel what I feel, to love me back. I wait for the panic to set in, but her eyes are clear, shining with adoration.

Before I can even consider telling her, the carriage begins moving, slowly creeping towards the highest point on the track. My stomach lurches, threatening to crawl up my chest, out of my mouth, but I ignore my nerves, choosing instead to focus on my one constant, my rock, my Bella.

Her face holds a childlike excitement as we reach the top and plunge down the other side, her hair wild, blowing freely in the breeze as we race through the twists and turns of the track. Smiling, screaming, embracing her inner child, she's never looked more beautiful.

After one minute of both heaven and hell, the ride is over, my feet firmly back on the ground, all my internal organs in their original positions. Bella is buzzing, giggly as we walk down the steps, hand in hand, towards Alice and Jasper.

Originally I had planned this day trip for two, Bella and I, but when Alice found out we were going to Wild Waves Theme Park, she begged to come along, knowing that I was powerless to say no. And where Alice goes, Jasper follows.

"Oh, that was exhilarating," Bella says to them. "Are you two going to ride it?"

"I want to, but someone is too scared," Alice says, rolling her eyes at Jasper. I can sympathise with him, but that doesn't mean I will.

"Well, it does take a certain kind of man to ride the Timberhawk," I say, puffing out my chest. "Some of us have it, some of us don't."

Bella lets out a very unladylike snort. "Sure," she says, laughing. "Come on tough guy, let's leave the kids to their fun and go grab something to eat."

We leave Alice and Jasper at the ride, with an agreement to meet up in an hour, deciding to grab burgers and sit outside to eat, close to the children's area of the park. As we eat, I notice Bella watching them play, smiling as they ride the carousel, running, laughing, I wonder how she feels about children, if she wants to be a mom.

"Do you want children, Bella?" I ask casually, not wanting her to know how much her answer will mean to me, to us.

"I don't know...I mean, yes I want kids, but..." she sighs. "I think that ship has sailed, don't you?"

"Not at all," I say. "Some women have children well into their forties. You're perfectly healthy Bella, there is no reason why you can't have kids if you wanted to."

"No, but the risks are higher at my age," she informs me, I get the impression that she has actually thought a lot about this, it's encouraging. "Both for the baby and myself. I don't know if I could take that chance, what would I do if something went wrong?"

"Nothing will go wrong," I say, taking her hand. "And even if something does, we can handle it. Doctor, remember?"

She's quiet for a moment, I wonder if I've said too much, if I'm mentally taking steps in our relationship that she is not ready for.

"So...you've thought about it?" she whispers, a shy smile gracing her lips. "More children, I mean?"

Her reaction has me smiling like a loon. "Absolutely, I've thought about it. More and more recently," I say, leaning in to lightly kiss the sweet spot below her ear. "I'd like a son." Kiss. "With my eyes." Nibble. "And rich chestnut hair." Suck. "Just like his mother."

Bella moves my face to hers, studying, searching my eyes for the truth. When she smiles, I can't wait a second longer.

"I love you, Bella."

She scrambles into my lap, holding me close, her eyes shining with tears, but I know she's happy.

"I love you too, Edward. You have no idea how much," she says, before crashing her lips to mine. Our surroundings, all the people, disappear as we cling to each other, mouthes tasting, licking, sucking, hands grasping at shoulders, hips, hair, binding us together.

Until reality bursts our bubble.

"Eeeww Dad, that's so gross. People can see, stop it!"

I pull away from Bella, looking in the direction of the voice. Alice looks mortified, Jasper looks everywhere but at us, embarrassed, like Bella and I should be. But we're not, we're in love, and as we extract ourselves from each other, following the kids towards Celebration Square, I feel like the luckiest man in the world.


	9. Chapter 9

**Sorry sorry sorry! I know it's been a week since I last posted. It's hot here & I'm lazy, lame I know but it's my only excuse. To make up for it, here's a nice long chapter (for me anyway) for you all.**

**If I was to give this chapter a name it would probably be "Shit vs Fan" starring Confessionella & Freak-the-fuck-outward...I think that explains it all really.**

**As always, huge thanks to all readers, reviewers & followers. Without your support I would still be lazing in front of the air-conditioner.**

**:-D**

**Disclaimer: Not mine, not even close.**

BPOV:

Beep...beep...beep...

Whoosh...whoosh...

The repetitive noises from the machines beside me are the only sounds in the room. They're reassuring, comforting, my only comfort now the hand in mine won't squeeze back, can't, maybe never will.

Edward shifts in his chair across the bed from where I sit, I don't look up, I can't face him, won't allow him to comfort me. I'm angry, I blame him, for the first time since he returned, I resent him for doing so.

If he hadn't come back I would have been at home, my home, where I belong. But I wasn't, I was with him, at his home, in his bed, in his arms, his body naked, moving with mine, around mine, inside, until we were sweaty and sated.

And aware.

Aware of my life.

Aware of my phone.

And the twelve missed calls.

And of Sue's frantic voicemails.

Of Charlie.

By the time we arrived at the hospital, Charlie was already in his room, reliant on machines to survive, to breathe, to keep him alive, my role in his life replaced, until all I could do was sit, and wait, and listen to the opinions of doctors, strangers, who didn't know him, love him.

I didn't want to hear anything that they had to say, I already understood. They thought he was gone, that he wasn't going to ever regain consciousness, they wanted my permission to turn the life support machines off. They were wrong. I didn't agree with anything they said.

Edward did.

"It's the humane thing to do Bella," he had said. "It's what Charlie would have wanted."

"You didn't even know him," I'd challenged angrily. "How would you know what he wanted?"

"Fine, I don't know what your father would have wanted," he admitted patiently. "But I was a doctor, I've seen the scans, I've listened to his doctors. Bella...there's no sign of brain activity. The only thing keeping him alive now are those machines. He's...he's gone, baby, you need to let go."

"But you're not a doctor anymore, are you Edward? You're a teacher," I had yelled. "You don't get to tell me what I have to do. He's nothing to you, but he is my father, and now you want me to...to...to kill the only man who has always been there for me? Well, fuck you Edward!"

"Oh, Bella..." I'd heard him sigh as I stormed back into Charlie's room.

That was three days ago, I've barely said a handful of words to him since, I haven't apologised. I don't know where we stand, I don't know if I have enough energy to care, yet he refuses to leave, continues to offer support even today, Thanksgiving, when he should be home with his family, his Aunt and Uncle who have traveled to see him, support him.

The door creaky quietly as a nurse pokes her head in, surveying the room before setting her eyes on Edward. "Mr Cullen, there are some visitors in the waiting room, they're asking for you."

"Thank you, I'll be right out," he says. I can feel his eyes on me as the nurse disappears back through the door. "It's probably Esme and Carlisle. Do you want to come out and meet them?"

I shake my head.

He sighs and leaves.

I know he assumes I'm being antisocial, rude, that I don't want to meet his family, but for the first time since Sue's call, I'm doing something for us, protecting us, because if I see them, Carlisle and Esme, they will know what I already know. That we've met before, years ago, the first time I was introduced as Edwards girlfriend.

When Edward had first mentioned that they were flying in to be here for him, us, I had been too upset to comprehend what their arrival would mean for us, Charlie was my only priority, but during the days following, the days spent waiting, my mind has thought about little else. Even if I wasn't angry with Edward, if I didn't blame him, exposing the secrets we've been keeping from each other will almost guarantee the end of our relationship, of us, the end of our love.

Perhaps it's for the best, I've been childish, fooling myself into believing that I could just pretend that the last twenty years didn't happen, that this foundation of lies and secrets we have built our relationship on wasn't eventually going to crumble beneath our feet. I'm a coward for not being honest from the start, too scared of losing him again to confess that I had him to begin with.

I look towards my father, thinking of his life, his years spent in a body he could no longer control, in limbo. Did he have regrets, opportunities that he missed? Things he never got to say? Advice he couldn't give? I realise I don't want that, I don't want to continue living with regret, hiding, staying quiet when I should speak up. Charlie May not have had the opportunity, but I do. I'm here, I'm alive, it's time for me to do what's right, what I should have done months ago.

Squeezing Charlie's hand one last time for time for courage, I leave the room for the first time in hours, maybe days. The corridor is eerily silent, ominous, giving me a chance to collect my thoughts, prepare myself for what I fear is inevitable, as I walk towards the private waiting room, a room reserved for families, for grief.

The first person I see as I enter the room is Edward, head in his hands, being comforted by Esme, whose wide eyes are locked on my face, her mouth a perfect circle, it's too late for me to back down, she recognises me. Edward, noticing me, stands, slowly making his way over. He's hesitant, I can tell, approaching me as he would a frightened animal, until he wraps his strong arms around me, pressing kisses in my hair. I don't even realise I'm crying, I'm closed off, numb.

Before I can take control of my emotions, Edward is ushering me towards where his family waits, hovering, but I can't greet them yet, I need to talk to him first, alone.

"Edward, I need to talk to you about something," I say, pushing on his chest, putting distance between us.

"Sure," he says slowly. "I just want you to meet my Aunt and Uncle first, please?"

I shake my head no, he's too busy turning me to face them to notice.

"Carlisle, Esme, I'd like to introduce my beautiful girlfri-"

"We've already met," I interrupt, unable, unwilling, to let him do this.

"What?" he asks, his eyes darting between myself and the couple in front of us, looking for answers.

"I said, we've already met."

"How? I...I don't understand. When did this happen?" My heart breaks for him, he's so confused. From the corner of my eye I can see Carlisle quickly shaking his head, silently telling me to stop, but it's too late to take it back. Edwards already knows something is going on. It's time for my confession.

"When I was 17," I take a deep breath and look him in the eye, needing to see his reaction. "At your parents New Years Eve party."

"My parents...? Wait...you knew me already? When I lived here before?"

"Yes," I say, hoping this will be easier if I just answer his questions.

"Okay," he says, nodding to himself. He looks relieved, like I've told him everything, like the worst is over. He couldn't be more wrong. "So...we were friends."

"No...not exactly."

He rolls his eyes, sighing. "Look Bella, can you just explain what you mean. What's going on?"

I summon all the courage I can, no more games, just the truth.

"We...we dated, in high school, we were together for two years. We were...in love."

"And we broke up when I moved to Chicago, right?" I don't know why he's asking, but I owe him an answer regardless.

"No."

"No?"

"No, we...um, we decided to stay together, date long distance until college then move in together."

He barks out a laugh, shaking his head. "Bullshit," he yells, causing me to jump.

"Edward!" Esme chastises. I had forgotten anyone else was in the room, now I'm mortified that both she and her husband are here, witnessing my downfall.

"What?" he says, addressing her, stabbing his finger at me. "She's lying."

"I'm not," I whisper, tears trickling from my eyes. I expected him to be hurt, but not angry, not this blazing fury he is directing at me.

"Yes you are!" He's so close now, I can feel the fire in his words. "I was with Tanya then, not you. I would never date two girls at the same time. Never!"

"I...I..."

"You...you what, Bella?" he mocks. "Thought you could lead me on? Screw with my feelings? What were you hoping to get out of this? Money? You saw me as your ticket out of here, is that it?"

I can only stand here, sobbing, as he unleashes his anger on me. This is an Edward that I have never seen before, this is what my betrayal has done to him, what it's turned him into.

He stomps over to his jacket, digging his hand into the pocket, throwing the contents on the floor. A small blue box, laying open at my feet.

"Look at it," he roars. I do, I can't take my eyes off it. "I was going to ask you to marry me, that's how serious I was about us, but it was all just a joke to you. I guess this is my payback for dumping you, huh? Well, if it hurt you then even a fraction of how much it's hurting me now, I'd say you got what you wanted. Well played Bella."

"Edward," I beg, reaching for him. "It's not like that at all. Please just listen."

"Listen?" he sneers, stepping further away from me, his right hand rubbing his chest, his heart. "I can't...I can't even look at you right now."

I am crying hysterically as his feet carry him out of the door, down the hall, away from me. When I can no longer hear his heavy footsteps, I make my escape, back to Charlie's room, to make my next heartbreaking decision of the day.

The papers, on the table by my chair where I left them days ago, are no longer as scary now as they once were. I take my seat and my dads hand, and I finally let go. I tell him everything, about my life, good and bad, my fears, my dreams, about Edward, about all of it. Lastly, I tell him that I love him, I tell him how much he meant to me, that I'll miss him, so so much, and goodbye.

And I sign the papers.


	10. Chapter 10

**Late again, I know. It's been a busy week, not for me but my son, so naturally that means a busy schedule for both of us. So if you want to blame someone, blame Zeus (my son...not the Greek god, in case anyone was confused).**

**The response to the last chapter was unbelievable, not a lot of love for poor Edward though. Hopefully he can redeem himself a bit this time.**

**This chapter may answer a few of your questions or it might just lead to more, who knows. I'd love to hear all your thoughts about it regardless.**

**Thanks to all reviewers, followers and readers, you all are my motivation for finishing this baby.**

**:-D**

**Disclaimer: Not mine, not even close.**

EPOV:

My head is thumping, buzzing, I don't know if it's the four glasses of whiskey I've just guzzled like water, or my brain trying to process everything I have heard this afternoon.

Now that my anger has subsided, I'm hurt, and more confused than I have ever been. Why would Bella keep this from me? Revenge is the only reason I can think of, to break my heart like I apparently did hers, to call me out on my own shortcomings. She obviously knew that I had kept my memory loss a secret, but in my defense I thought she was a stranger when we met, someone who wouldn't watch me through hopeful eyes, secretly expecting me to just wake up one day and remember everything.

I feel weighed down by questions that I cannot answer, the hypothetical what if's. What if we had never moved here? Never met Bella? Never had a chance to love her? The steadily growing ache in my chest intensifies at the thought of never having Bella in my life.

I hear the front door slam shut, my name being called. I don't answer, don't move, praying that they'll leave me alone. Footsteps enter my study, approaching the chair where I sit. I never get what I want.

"Edward," he says. I look up at Carlisle's face, anger radiates from his every pore. "Care to explain what happened back at the hospital?"

I chuckle dryly, reaching for the bottle beside me to refill my glass. "Why don't you explain to me, Carlisle? You seem to know more about it than I do."

Just as my fingers make contact with the glass, he snatches it from my reach, discarding it on the other side of the room, giving me no choice but to pay attention to him.

"Cut the crap, Edward. What you did back there, what you said to that poor woman was inexcusable. She was trying to be honest with you, and you just threw it back in her face. That's not how you treat the people you love."

I sigh, he's right. What I said to Bella, how I treated her, it wasn't right, but in that moment, listening to the lies coming out of her mouth, all I could think was not again. I opened myself up to love and once again I'm lied to, kept in the dark. The only difference is the feelings I had for Tanya are a drop in the ocean compared to how I felt, still feel, about Bella. And the pain is so much worse.

"I just can't understand why she would lie like that," I finally say. "It's not like Bella. She already had me, I don't know why she had to open her mouth and ruin everything."

"Have you considered that she may not be lying?"

"She has to be lying, she just...has to be," I say. I don't know who I'm trying to convince, him or me. It's obvious that neither of us believes a word I'm saying, but I refuse to consider the alternative, that my life as I have known it was built on lies.

"I disagree," he argues. "Clearly someone lied about your past Edward, and I really wish I could tell you more but we weren't close until after the accident, after your parents...passed. I just want you to think about something, ok?" I nod. "If Bella isn't lying, that only leaves one person..."

"Tanya," I whisper.

It was no secret that Carlisle and Esme both disliked Tanya, Esme going as far as begging me not to marry her, but I had gone through with it anyway, they weren't my parents, we didn't need their blessings. I felt as though I owed it to Tanya for supporting me when I needed it the most.

She was the first person I saw when I woke up, she comforted me when I learnt that the car crash that had taken my memories from me had also claimed my parents lives. She had stood by me at the funeral, at the trial of the drunk driver that had hit my parents car. She had helped me to move on with my life.

But after the wedding, Tanya began to change. She wanted more, a bigger house in an affluent suburb, a more expensive car, luxury holidays every few months, her list of demands was endless, if someone else had something, she wanted better. I had inherited my parents entire fortune, I had the means and I loved her, so I gave and gave, but it was never enough to make her happy. She started staying out late at night, sometimes not coming home for days. With friends, she had claimed at the time. With other men, I now knew. Our marriage became one in appearance only.

Yet if I had a chance to go back and change things, if I had fought harder to regain my memories instead of listening to a lying, cheating gold-digger, I would do it all the same, because regardless of how I feel about Tanya now, she gave me the one thing I couldn't live without, the shining star in my miserable fourteen year marriage.

She gave me Alice.

"It wouldn't change anything," I murmur quietly.

"Pardon?" Carlisle asks.

"I said it wouldn't change anything," I repeat louder. "If Tanya was lying, it doesn't change anything, I wouldn't change anything. God that makes me pathetic, doesn't it? After everything she put me through, I'd let her do it all over again because without Tanya I wouldn't have Alice."

"Of course it doesn't make you pathetic, it makes you a good father, a good man. Edward, no-one is asking you to change anything, not that you could even if you did want to," he sighs. "I just want you to realise that Bella is not Tanya, she isn't trying to get anything out of you, she doesn't have any ulterior motives. In fact, I don't believe for one second that Bella was deliberately trying to deceive you at all. She may have hurt you, son, but I guarantee you're not the only one who's hurting right now."

"Shit!" I curse myself. I'd been too concerned with my own feelings to even consider what my outburst had done to Bella. Even if I can convince her, beg her to forgive me, I know that I will never be able to forgive myself, I don't deserve to.

"So...what are you going to do now?"

"I've got to go see Bella," I say, staggering to my feet, the room swaying around me. "I have to apologise, explain, beg for her forgiveness. I just...I have to...to..."

"Not today you're not," he says sternly. "You need to sleep this off first. Go see her in the morning, when you have a clear head. She definitely won't want to see you in this condition."

"If she wants to see me at all," I say, stumbling out of the room, towards the stairs.

"Edward," Carlisle calls out, stopping me in my tracks. "It'll all work out, you'll see. If you and Bella truly love each other, you can both find a way to move past this."

I nod, continuing up the stairs, into my room. As I collapse onto my bed, I remember the last night Bella and I spent here in this room, on this bed. My chest tightens just thinking of how much I want that moment back, that love back.

I can only hope that Carlisle is right, and that our love is strong enough to survive.


	11. Chapter 11

**Sorry sorry sorry but on the plus side, long wait = long chapter. So I won't drag this A/N out anymore.**

**Thanks to each and every one of you, you're all fantastic. Please keep your reviews coming, I love hearing what you think!**

**:-D**

**Disclaimer: Not mine, not even close.**

BPOV:

I had never realised how much my father had meant to our community until he died. Originally I had planned to hold a very private farewell, those attending I could count on one hand, but people started coming out of the woodwork, asking about funeral arrangements, when it would be, volunteering to say a few words about him, for him.

My first reaction was to refuse, tell them truthfully that I was not planning a service, Charlie had already been cremated, but I couldn't selfishly deny them the opportunity to say goodbye to him. Even though many of them had not seen Charlie in decades, Forks was only a small community, everyone knew everyone.

So despite my wishes, despite what Charlie may or may not have wanted, I now find myself here in my house, surrounded by people, hosting a wake for my father. I've shaken hands, accepted condolences and hugs for the last hour, when all I really want to do is escape, to be left alone.

From the corner of my eye I see Esme approaching, alone. My shoulders sag, my relief colored with disappointment. I didn't want him here, through Esme I told him so, but deep down I had hoped he would show up anyway, that he'd try harder, fight more for my forgiveness, instead of offering a weak "I'm sorry" and an even weaker "I can explain", through my door, through my phone, before going away and staying away.

I feel a warm motherly arm wrap around my shoulders. "It's quite a turn out isn't it? Wonderful, so many people coming to celebrate your fathers life."

I nod silently, leaning into her comforting embrace. Esme, as well as Sue, has been a godsend this week, sharing her support and knowledge, organising the wake, providing a buffer, a barrier, between Edward and I. I am incredibly grateful for her care, a motherly concern, even if it isn't my own. Mine, having spent my childhood dragging me from town to town, city to city, deadbeat boyfriend to deadbeat boyfriend, abandoned me with Charlie when I became to old to ignore. I sent her an email telling her of his passing, I'm yet to receive a reply. At least she's consistent in her apathy.

When Esme excuses herself to check on something in the kitchen, people begin making their way over to say their goodbyes, adding a few final complimentary words about Charlie.

"Your father was a great man."

"Such a stand up guy, your dad."

"He'll be sorely missed."

"He loved you very much."

I nod mechanically and repeat my thanks until there are only a handful of people left, Esme and Sue in the kitchen, in the lounge sit Angela, Jasper and, surprisingly, Alice.

Although she had just returned from spending Thanksgiving with her mother, she obviously knew about Edward and I, about our confrontation at the hospital, about our break up, yet she greeted me with a warm hug upon arrival and a whispered apology. It was incredibly sincere, it was completely unnecessary. No matter how brief my second chance with Edward was, I would be there for Alice, love her like she was my own. I never would, never could, abandon her.

From the living room doorway I can see the urn, containing Charlies ashes, resting on the mantle. It is calling to me, telling me it's time. Closing my eyes for a moment, taking a deep breath, I walk over and carefully pick it up. Turning back around, everyone's eyes are on me, their emotions are mixed.

"I'm going to go now," I say nervously. "Spread Charlie's ashes...say goodbye."

"Do you want us to go with you?" Angela asks. I know she just wants to help, they all do, but I need to do this alone.

"No...no that's alright, but thank you for asking. Thank you all so much for helping and for being here and...just thank you."

There are tears and hugs, more thank you's and apologies, then I'm in my car, swept there by a whirlwind of support, of comfort and love, fueled by the task at hand.

I spend the entire drive out to La Push stealing glances at the urn strapped safely, lovingly, in the passenger seat. It occurs to be that after I scatter my fathers ashes from the cliffs, into the ocean below, as per his request, I will have nothing left of him except memories. Sure I have the house, the store, his possessions, but I don't believe that the thing someone owns make them, so it's heartbreaking to know that in order to respect Charlie's wishes, as dictated in his will so long ago, I have to give my last piece of him up, set it free, to truly let him go.

I park my car at the entrance to the trail that will lead me to my destination, my fathers final destination, and delicately retrieve the urn. Clutching it tightly to my chest, I make my way towards the edge of the cliff. The journey of only a few hundred feet takes much longer than it normally would, my emotions turning my feet to lead, weighing me down.

The sea is churning, angry, waves crashing violently against the rocks below me as I sit precariously on the very edge, my feet dangling high above the murky, thrashing water. I remove the urns lid, peering inside at the dusty grey contents. My tears don't go unnoticed as they fall in, mixing with the ash, mixing with Charlie, sharing my grief, my pain, grieving with the one I lost.

"Dad...Daddy..." I begin, feeling childish for still calling him that, but to me that is who he will always be. Always. "I...I don't know what to say, I didn't plan anything, but you were always a man of few words so...maybe you would appreciate me not prattling on."

The wind picks up, gentle gusts stirring his ashes, it feels like a sign, Charlies own way of telling me that it is time to say goodbye. I carefully tilt the urn, emptying all that remains of my father into the waiting breeze, watching it lift and scatter, forming a fine grey mist, before falling into the ocean below.

"Goodbye," I whisper into the air. "I love you."

I sit, staring at the horizon, entranced, dazed, until the sound of soft footfalls disturb my silent moment. I don't have to turn around to know who it is, I can feel his presence surround me. What I don't understand is why.

"What are you doing here, Edward?"

"I overheard Esme saying that you were coming here to spread Charlie's ashes," he says nervously. "I didn't want you to be alone...and I thought that maybe we could talk...about us?"

"Did you ever consider that maybe I wanted to be alone? And I thought I made it pretty clear that I didn't want to talk. I can't believe you!"

"Please Bella, I just want a chance to explain," he says, taking a seat at the edge, leaving a few feet between us, looking like a scolded child. "I said I was sorry."

And now he sounds like one too. I'm angry at him, he's preying on my sympathy, hoping I'll forgive him if he continues with this pathetic act. But I refuse to consider his feelings, he didn't care about mine.

"Explain what, Edward? How you verbally abused me while my father was dying? Or maybe how you completely humiliated me in front of your family? And you honestly expect me to forgive you because you apologised? You're a grown man, you can't just say you're sorry and expect everything to be fine!"

"I know that!" he says, his own anger, frustration, leeching into his voice. "I was shocked, okay? I was hurt and confused. I didn't mean those...horrible things I said, I lashed out and I can't even begin to tell you how sorry I am for that. But all I could focus on was that you'd kept secrets from me, lied to me. It reminded me of that whole mess with Tanya -"

"I am not Tanya!" I yell. The comparison is beyond insulting, I never lied or cheated. Yes, I kept things from him but I did it for his own good, to spare him the confusion, the pain. "This isn't about her Edward. She wasn't the one who yelled at me, called me a liar, accused me of using you, she wasn't the one who hurt me. That was all you."

"I know, I know. I just..." he sniffles. If I was brave enough to look at him, his tears would be my undoing. "I wad so...so scared. God, I never wanted anything, anyone, as much as I want you and I could see it all falling apart. I hurt you so fucking much, I know...I'll never forgive myself for doing that to you, for ruining one of the best things I've ever had...for losing you."

His words have a deeper meaning, he hasn't given up on us, but he thinks I have. He is wrong. I'm angry and hurt, but the idea of walking away from Edward forever is unthinkable, I would sooner tear my own heart from my chest. I want to give him hope, but I still need time, I need to work on myself, discover myself, before I can think about an us. I can only hope that when I share this with him, he'll react better than last time.

"You haven't lost me," I begin, looking towards him for the first time. He looks like he's been through hell, but his eyes, wide, staring into mine, look hopeful. "But..." His shoulders slump. "But I need more time."

"Sure, I understand," he interrupts, nodding his head. I wonder if he'll still be understanding when I tell him the rest.

"So...I'm leaving town for a while," I finish.

"When are you coming back?"

"I don't know."

"Where are you going?"

"I don't know."

"But you are coming back, right?" I can hear the panic in his voice.

"Yes, I am definitely coming back," I say, putting his fears to rest. "I just need to spend some time alone, to find myself."

"Okay," he says, slowly getting to his feet. "Then I'll wait."

"Edward, I'm not asking you to wa-"

"No I'm waiting," he says determinedly. "I love you, and if you need this time to find yourself, then I'm going to do the same. I'm going to learn my past, no more secrets, no more ignoring it. And when you get back, I'll be here and I'll know everything. You disappeared from my life before but I promise you I won't ever let it happen again."

With that, he turns and walks back down the path.

"I love you too," I whisper to his retreating figure.

Then he's gone.


	12. Chapter 12

**Thanks to everyone who read or reviewed the last chapter, & a special thanks to those following this story. You're all stars!**

**I just want to briefly respond to a reviewers comments about Bella's ability to have children. Normally I don't take a reviewers opposing personal opinion to heart because whether they're for or against this story, they still took the time to share their opinion with me. But I cannot help but take the comment "She has no years left to have a biological child" personally.**

**I have many friends who, for either medical or personal reasons, were unable to have children until they were in their thirties/early forties. My own sister had here first child in her thirties after being told for years by doctors that she would never be able to have children. Yes, there is a greater risk of having a child with a disability the older the mother is, but I don't believe that 40 is too old &, as a mother, I believe that children are a blessing regardless of how & when they're born. I was in my late teens when my son was born, so I know what it's like at the other end of the spectrum too.**

**Off my soap box & on with the show...feel free to let me know what you think.**

**Quick thanks to my psychologist for helping with this chapter, I've changed the gender but, as requested, I've given Edwards doctor your surname because it always makes me chuckle.**

**:-D**

**Disclaimer: Not mine, not even close.**

EPOV:

The room had a light homely feel, pale timber bookshelves line the far wall, pictures of family and friends carefully arranged on the desk. The room was unassuming, deceptive as to its purpose, and far less intimidating than the woman standing beside its small kitchenette.

"Would you like a drink before we begin? Coffee? Tea?" she asks, smiling warmly.

"Just water, thank you," I say, taking a seat in one of the plush leather chairs. Although I have been in this room, sat in this chair, many times in the last two months, I'm more nervous now than I've ever been, having more to say today than I have in the past.

Placing our drinks on the table, she takes her place in the chair opposite me, picking up her pen and notebook. Her demeanor now screams professional, she's in doctor mode.

Despite my reluctance to seek counselling, my desire to merge my past and present was beginning to affect my personal and professional life. I was zoning out, daydreaming in front of my students and colleagues, obsessively searching my surroundings for anything that may trigger a memory. Worse still, in my quest to reconnect with my past, I had neglected those around me that needed me now, in the present. It was my guilt that led me here, to this room.

Doctor Victoria Feely had come highly recommended, having successfully treated patients with similar injuries as mine, in similar situations. I was grateful for any help I could get.

"So Edward, how have you been since our last session?"

"Good...good," I mumble, nervously tapping my fingers against my leg. "I've started reading the journals that my Aunt sent me."

"And these are your old journals, yes?"

I nod my head. "From when I was in high school."

"And based on what you've read so far, what have you learnt from your journals?"

"So...so much," I say, waves of guilt washing over me. "She was right, everything she said was true. God...she was telling the truth all along."

"By she, you mean Bella?"

"Yes," I whisper, staring down at my hands, Dr. Feely quietly taking notes.

"Okay, well we can talk more about Bella in a moment, but right now I'd like to talk more about your reaction to reading about your past. For example, did it trigger any new memories? Repressed feelings?"

"I don't know," I say. "It felt very surreal. I knew they were my words, I recognise my own handwriting, but because I don't remember ever experiencing any of those things, nor writing about them, it just felt like I was reading about a character in a book...like it wasn't me."

"So you felt as though you couldn't make a connection or relate to the you from your journals?"

I nod.

"But you were expecting that you would?"

"Yes," I sigh. I had been hoping that all I would have to do was read a few pages and it would all come rushing back to me, but it had only left me more confused. "I guess I'm just disappointed, I thought for certain that these books would be the key to unlocking my mind, that I would suddenly remember everything. It was disheartening when it didn't happen."

The sound of pen scratching against paper stops as Dr. Feely places her notebook on the table, pausing to take a long sip from her mug before she begins what I am sure will be another lecture on my attitude to this process.

I had heard it all before. During our previous sessions, she had urged me to not look for miracles, that discovering the truth was more important than actually remembering anything, but after everything that has happened, I'm understandably wary of naively accepting information from others. I just want one memory from my childhood that is mine and mine alone.

"Have you considered hypnotherapy?" she asks, surprising me. "I have had patients in the past that have found it successful, but if you are interested, I would encourage you to fully examine the pros and cons of this type of therapy because although you may recover the good memories that you want, you may also recover unpleasant ones such as the accident and your parents deaths."

I nod again, solemnly. I had considered hypnotherapy in the past as it had seemed like the easiest solution, but there are still some traumatic memories that I would selfishly like to remain as they are now. Forgotten.

"Well, take some time to think about it and if you decide that it is what you want, I can refer you to a colleague of mine who will conduct the therapy, okay?"

"I will. Thank you."

"Great," she says, picking up her pen and notebook. "Now, let's talk about Bella. Have you attempted to contact her again since we last spoke?"

"No," I shake my head sadly. "Not since she told me not to. She...she still calls Alice every week to catch up, which I know Alice really appreciates her doing. Apparently she's having fun, she seems...happy."

"And you are upset that she's enjoying herself?"

"I'm not upset," I say defensively. "I understand why she's doing this, and honestly I want her to have fun. What I don't understand is why she wants to cut all ties between us, why I'm not allowed to contact her."

"Edward," Dr. Feely begins gently. "Bella obviously needed this time to focus on herself, to reassess her life, not unlike what you yourself are doing, and I believe that it is healthy for both of you. But sometimes in order to do that, we need to separate ourselves from any factors that may influence our decisions. Do you understand what I'm saying?"

"Yes," I say, because I do understand, because it does sound reasonable, yet it does nothing to calm my fears about what Bella's adventure might mean for her future, for mine. "I just...I mean, what if she decides that she doesn't want to return to Forks? That she doesn't want me?"

"Then you have no choice but to respect her decision," she says. My shoulders sag, I'd secretly hoped that she would take my side, tell me to chase Bella until she's mine again, but as much as I miss her, I know that would be wrong. I want Bella to come back because she wants to, not because I pressured her to.

Dr. Feely clearly notices the change in my demeanor, my acceptance of defeat. "Let me ask you something. Apart from leaving, did Bella ever give you any indication that she was not intending to continue her life in Forks? Or that her feelings for had changed since she has been away?"

I don't have to think hard about her question to know the answer. Yes, Bella had left, but still had the store, her house, her friends, and although she hadn't asked me to wait for her, she had assured me that eventually she would be back. The answer was clear.

"No."

"And there is your answer," she says, smiling sagely.

I leave her office moments later, armed with knowledge, options and more confidence than I've had since the day Bella left.

I didn't need to remember, I could find the truth myself another way.

I didn't need to harass Bella while she was gone, I knew she was coming back.

And I didn't require promises of love and a future with her, I could feel it in my heart.


	13. Chapter 13

**New chapter already you say? Shocking I know but that's what the holidays are for, right?**

**To the guest reviewer of the last chapter (or any new guests reading), please sign yourself in, I'd love to talk more about my "shitty" story & I can't reply if your anonymous. It only takes a few minutes & you'll instantly be a part of our awesome community.**

**Thanks to everyone who has read, reviewed or are following my story, you guys are better than chocolate bunnies!**

**Happy Easter!**

**:-D**

**Disclaimer: Not mine, not even close.**

BPOV:

"Wait let me get this straight. You decided to dump everything and set off on this crazy sightseeing adventure?"

"More or less, yes," I answer. "So?"

"So," he says slowly. "All you done so far is drive around looking at rocks and trees and buildings. That's not an adventure, that's...lame."

"No it's not," I say, giggling at his childishness. "It's been fun. And I haven't just been looking at nature and architecture, I've done exciting things too. I spent New Years Eve in Times Square, have you ever done that?"

"Shockingly, no," he deadpans. "But a million trillion other people have. Allow me to repeat myself...lame."

This is how the atmosphere inside my car had been for the last hour, full of laughter, of light, since I picked up my behemoth of a co-pilot. Normally I would be completely against offering rides to strange men on the side of the road, hitch-hikers, I'd always considered it too great a risk for a woman on her own, too dangerous. But this time, on this journey, I decided to take a chance. It was just sheer luck that, despite his size, I happened to choose the least threatening hitch-hiker in the entire country, Emmett McCarthy, the jolly giant.

Honestly, after two months on my own, I was actually grateful for the company. My travels had taken me to sights I'd always dreamt of seeing, allowed me to do things that I had always wanted to do...but I was lonely. I missed Forks, I missed home...I missed Edward.

When he had drunkenly called me for New Years, mumbling incoherently about how sorry he was, how much he missed me, loved me, my willpower had almost crumbled, I was close to turning back, driving home to him. Yet as guilty as I had felt hearing his pain, how I felt for leaving him, I new that if I did, I would regret it later, and I would eventually resent him for pressuring me to return. So as difficult as it was for me to say to him, I had asked him to stop calling, told him to leave me alone.

However, nothing could prepare me for the crushing disappointment, the ache in my chest, when he had done exactly that.

"Oh oh oh! Pull over, pull over!" Emmett shouts excitedly, causing me to jump, the car to swerve on the road.

"What? What is it?" I ask panicked, quickly pulling my car into the nearby parking lot, my eyes scanning the surroundings. Emmett bouncing excitedly in the seat beside me.

"They have Arby's!" he yells, unbuckling his seatbelt and jumping out of the car. "C'mon."

I sit in the my car watching him walk backwards towards the restaurant, waving his hands for me to follow. I could simply start the car, drive off leaving him behind, but Emmett seems harmless and, although I wouldn't admit it to him, he has been fun to have around.

Plus, his bag is still in the backseat.

I sigh and exit the car. After locking the doors, I hurry my steps to catch up with him before his childlike exuberance scares the other customers and staff. The restaurant is relatively empty for this time of day, this close to lunch, so Emmett's juvenile antics go largely unnoticed as we order and sit down to eat.

"Emmett, how old are you?" I ask, drawing his attention away from blowing kisses and winking at the group of girls sitting at the table next to us.

"Old enough to be your son," he quips, grinning until I level my narrowed stare at him. "Okay, I'm twenty-three."

"Twenty-three?" I laugh, mildly insulted that he would think that I was old enough to have a child that age. "I'm not that old! If I was your mother I would have been sixteen when you were born."

"People have kids at sixteen," he shrugs.

"Well not me," I say, not wanting to continue a discussion about children or my lack thereof. "So...are you in college? Or do you work?"

"Nope, and nope," he says, popping his p's then a curly fry. "Never went to college and I don't have a job."

"So what do you do?" I ask.

"This," he says, spreading his arms out wide, looking from side to side.

"I don't understand," I say, shaking my head, confused.

"Life," he says, as if it's the most obvious answer. When my expression doesn't change, he explains. "It's kind of like what your doing, except instead of it being a holiday, it's everyday life. I'm not broke, or homeless, or anything like that, I choose this lifestyle, I like the freedom. I get to go wherever I want to, and I don't have to worry about bills or a mortgage, if I need money, I just pick up a few days work here and there. For me, it's perfect."

"Wow." I'm stunned by his carefree attitude, to leave his entire life up to chance. It's inspiring...it's terrifying. "What about your parents? Your family? Don't they miss you?"

"It's just my dad and my brothers, my mom left when I was a kid," he says with feigned nonchalance, a shadow of sadness and longing in his pale blue eyes. "I always check in with them a couple of times a year, whenever I'm in Tennessee, and they call all the time. They're just happy that I'm doing something that I love, something that makes me happy."

"They sound like wonderful people, Emmett," I say gently.

He nods sadly. "So, where are we going next, Captain?" he says, leaning back in his chair, changing the subject.

"We?"

"Yes we. Do you really think I'm going to let a woman of your age go out there alone? You could fall and break a hip, walking on one of those mountains out there, and no-one would know," he says teasingly, pointing out the window at the blue-green mountains in the distance. "This is West Virginia Bella, you need me. So...?"

"So," I chuckle at his good natured teasing. "We are taking a tour of the Seneca Caverns, it's -"

"No," Emmett interrupts, rubbing his hands down his face. "No more rocks. Consider this a mutiny! I'm taking over this little adventure, and my first rule as leader is no more boring activities. From now on, we only do fun things, got it?"

"Umm...Emmett, I'm not -"

"Great, he say, ignoring my attempt to protest. "Looks like I'm going to need more food then. You should grab something else too."

"But we just ate," I say, disturbed by the amount of food this guy can consume.

"Oh Bella," he laughs, giving me a sly wink. "You're gonna need a lot of energy for what I plan to do with you."

I swallow the lump in my throat, wondering what the hell I've just gotten myself into.


	14. Chapter 14

**Good news everybody, we are now at the halfway mark in this story! Thanks to all of you for helping me get this far, every time my phone beeps with an alert my day gets a little brighter!**

**I'm currently reading my way through all of your stories & posting reviews to every one because if you all can take the time to review my story, the least I can do is return the favour. So if you haven't gotten a review from me yet, you will very soon!**

**:-D**

**Disclaimer: Not mine, not even close.**

EPOV:

_The sunlight fights its way through the dense foliage above, casting rays down upon us as we lay in the grass. My fingers idly stroke the deep chestnut hair spread out across my chest, the angel beside me lazily flipping the pages of the book in her hands._

_"I really like the name Alice," she says absently, breaking the silence surrounding us. "I think if I had a daughter, I'd name her Alice."_

_"And...I think that's enough reading for you today," I chuckle, tugging the book from her nimble fingers, tossing it away from our tree, towards the middle of our meadow._

_"What?" she asks, slapping my arm as she sits up. "You don't like it?"_

_"No," I scoff. "It's too old-fashioned."_

_"And Edward isn't?"_

_"Yeah it is. That's why I would never give my child a name like Alice. I'd pick something more exciting, adventurous, like...Zoe...or Alexis, or something like that."_

_"Alice is exciting," she argues, crawling towards her discarded novel. "My grandmother was named after the character. Have you even read the book? It's just one big adventure for Alice. You don't know what you're talking about."_

_I quickly reach out, catching her around the waist, bringing her to rest between my open legs. "Unless there's something you need to tell me, I think it's a little too soon to be arguing about what to name our children," I whisper, my lips lightly brushing the shell of her ear._

_She chokes out a surprised laugh. "If I was pregnant, then I think we've missed some pretty important steps in our relationship, don't you?" she asks, snuggling deeper into my embrace, her perfect, perky butt rubbing tortuously against my rapidly swelling cock through my jeans. She turns to face me, straddling my thighs, a shy sexy smile gracing her lips._

_"Absolutely," I breathe, pulling her closer, capturing her soft lips with mine. It's the perfect kiss, hot and wet, tongues and teeth, lust and love, until we break apart, panting and happy._

_"I love you so much, Edward," she whispers into our little bubble of intimacy._

_"I love you too..._

"...Bella," I gasp, bolting upright, awake, alone in my bed. I desperately search the darkness for any sign of Bella's presence beside me, I'm met with only silence and disappointment.

I lay back against the pillows, defeated. "It was just a dream, you idiot," I tell myself aloud. But this dream felt real, so real that I could almost feel her soft warm body against mine, taste her lips, breathe in her very essence. No, this was more than just a dream, it seemed almost like a...memory.

A memory!

I scramble out of bed, tearing at the sheets still tangled around my legs, as I urgently make my way down stairs. As my eyes adjust to the brightness of the living room lights, I locate my journals lying on the side table, where I had abandoned them earlier in favour of sleep. I pick up the most recent ones and return to my room before pausing to consider what I'm doing.

I had already promised that I was no longer going to torture myself this way, not attempt to conjure up memories that simply didn't exist, and perhaps that is all that my dream was, a figment of my imagination, a beautiful dream of what I thought we were like back then. Perhaps instead of dreaming about a future with Bella, my subconscious was now creating a past for us as well.

But it was the conversation about Alice that had me unnerved. Despite what the dream version of myself had said, I did like the name Alice, I had been the one to suggest the name for my daughter when she was born, but when asked why, my responses had been vague. It suited her, I'd always liked the name, she looked like an Alice. Many had incorrectly assumed at the time that it was a family name, in hindsight maybe their assumptions has been right, but our family had been wrong.

I spend the next hour flipping through the journals, looking for any entry similar to my dream. The meadow is mentioned occasionally, and there are pages and pages of Bella and I fooling around, but no Alice, not the name, not the book, nothing at all. The dream was obviously just that, a dream.

But it shouldn't have been, it should have been our reality, two young lovers planning a future. I know that Alice and Bella now share a close, almost mother-daughter relationship, yet, to me, it isn't nearly enough to make up for all the years that Alice had to endure contempt, emotional neglect, from her actually mother.

I'm suddenly overcome with the desire for justice. For Alice, for Bella, for myself. Dr. Feely had previously said that we were all victims of circumstances beyond our control, but I know that she was wrong. Yes, we were victims, but there was only one person responsible for how my life had become, how Bella and Alice's lives had been affected. She's real, she has a face, she has a name.

After retrieving my laptop from my office, I plan my flights, leaving and returning on the same day. I consider emailing or calling ahead to tell her why I'm flying across the country to see her, but I don't, I won't. She would only use the time to concoct an excuse, more lies. I deserve the truth, I need to do this face to face.

I confirm my booking, shutdown my laptop and settle back down for a few more hours sleep before I have to leave for the airport.

Tomorrow I will get my answers.

Tomorrow I will get our justice.


	15. Chapter 15

**Thank you, thank you, thank you! So many reviews, so many followers, it's beyond anything I could have imagined when I first began this story. You're all amazing!**

**Great response to the last chapter, a lot of you are really looking forward to the Edward/Tanya showdown. Good news for you all, it's school holidays here which means less work for me & more chapters for you, so Edwards next chapter will be posted by Sunday/Monday. Yay!**

**:-D**

BPOV:

"Come on, come on," Emmett says, tugging at the bottom of my shirt, attempting to lift it over my head. "If you flash them, I'll get more beads. Just do it once, okay?"

"No Emmett, I'm not exposing myself in front of all these people," I say, glancing at the strands of multi-colored beads hanging from his neck. "Anyway, don't you already have enough?"

"You can never have enough," he scoffs. "Come on...please. Please Mom, I want to see your boobies. Pretty please?"

Mortified, my eyes quickly dart to the shocked, disgusted faces of those standing near us, near enough to hear Emmett's embarrassing pleas, to believe that I am actually his mother.

"Emmett! Shut. Up. Now!" I hiss, before turning to the disturbed bystanders, eavesdroppers. "I am so sorry. He's not really my son. In fact we are not at all related to each other."

"Nah," says Emmett, wrapping his arm around my shoulders and kissing my cheek, throwing a wink to our little audience. "She just makes me call her that in the bedroom. I call her Mom, she calls me her big boy. We're kinky like that."

"God damn it," I yell, landing a sharp elbow to his stomach. "Would you knock it off? Please?"

"Okay, okay," he says, putting his hands up defensively, anticipating another blow. "I'm sorry Bella, you know I was just having a bit of fun with you."

And I do. In fact, if I have learnt anything over the past two weeks that we have been traveling together, it's that nothing, be it children with paintball guns in West Virginia or what he considered to be grossly unfair height restrictions at Disney World, nothing at all stands in the way of Emmett and his seemingly endless pursuit of fun. He is shameless, blissfully ignorant of how he's viewed by those around him, nor do I think he cares. To him, my embarrassment is simply collateral damage.

However, this time, I had no-one to blame but myself. Experiencing Mardi Gras in New Orleans had been entirely my idea.

It had always been a dream of mine to come here, to immerse myself in the sights, the sounds, to experience the excitement, the atmosphere, to simply be a part of it all. What I had not anticipated was the darker side of the celebration, the drunkenness, the debauchery, the hoards of young women quick to trade their modesty for a cheap set of plastic beads. I was out of my comfort zone.

Emmett, however, was in his element.

"I know, but it's not funny to me, so don't ever do anything remotely like that again, never ever," I say forcefully, watching the last of the parade disappear down the street, the crowd slowly dispersing. "I think I'm going to call it a night, head back to the hotel."

"What? No," he says, glancing down at his watch. "It's still early, we can't bail now."

"Well you can stay as long as you like, but I'm beat."

"Yeah, but I don't want you walking back by yourself, safety in numbers and all that," he says, glaring menacingly down at the drunken revelers in the street below. "Just come back downstairs. We'll have one more drink and then leave, deal?"

One look at the adorable pout, the pathetic puppy-dog eyes, on this giant man-child and I find myself unable to say no. I know that I'm a pushover, sadly I have a sneaking suspicion that Emmett knows this too.

As we make our way down the stairs, following the crowd, I feel my phone vibrate in my pocket, seeing Alice's name on the screen when I pull it out. I excuse myself from Emmett, telling him that I will meet him at the bar, I make my way towards the nearest exit, accepting the call.

Every phone call with Alice begins the same way, her filling me in on all the news from Forks, about school, Jasper, the store, us talking and laughing about my adventures, Emmett's antics. But as the conversation progresses, eventually we are forced to discuss a more awkward subject, the big pink elephant on the line. Edward.

"So...how is your father?" I gently ask. I promise myself every time we talk that I won't ask, that if I wanted to know I should call him myself, but the question always slips out, my curiosity getting the better of me.

"Um...good," she says. It's the standard answer for whenever I ask, he's always good, fine, okay, but this time I can sense her hesitance, this time there's more. She takes a deep breath and sighs. "Actually...I don't know, he's been really secretive lately. Or gone...he's gone a lot. Port Angeles every week, he flew out to Chicago this morning."

"Oh..." I say, unable to come up with a more articulate response. My heart begins beating wildly from its new resting place at my feet, my mind immediately jumping to the worst conclusion, the only logical reason I can think of for him to be gone so much, for his newfound secrecy. He has found someone else, he's moving on.

After her revelation, the tone of the conversation becomes melancholy, slightly uncomfortable, as we say our goodbyes, but gradually my common sense takes over once my phone is safely tucked away in my pocket. Despite my initial reaction, I don't believe that Edward would give up on us, not now, not after everything that we have been through, that isn't who he is.

As I search the crowded bar for Emmett, I realise something, something that deep down I had always known...this isn't who I am either. It has been fun, exciting, and I don't regret one moment of my time away, but the constant travel, the unpredictability, that is not what I want.

Yes, I was foolish to wait for Edward, yet I know now that my life without him was not wasted in Forks. I was there for my father when he needed me the most, I have a beautiful home, a successful business, a circle of friends as close as family. I don't need a list of experiences a mile long to make my life complete, to validate my choices, I was happy then and I'm happy now. Sure there are things that I still want, but I know now that I'm not going to find them on a mountain in Colorado or a seedy bar in New Orleans.

Emmett raises a glass as I approach, offering it to me. I shake my head.

"I'm going home," I tell him, feeling content, happy, with my decision.

"Uh uh, you promised," he says. "One drink."

"No Emmett, I mean I'm going home...to Forks."

He stares intently at my face, if he's looking for any hint of doubt, he won't find it. A slow, cheeky smile spreads across his face as he slams the glass back down on the bar, jumping from his stool.

"Well...what are we waiting for? Let's hit the road."

"Wait," I call out, grabbing his arm as he walks towards the door. "Where are you going?"

"What do you mean, 'where am I going'?" he asks, looking at me like I'm crazy. "I'm coming with you...duh! You didn't think I was going to let you finish our adventure on your own, did you?"

I shake my head, chuckling. Even if I had told him to stay here, I know he wouldn't, Emmett does what Emmett wants, so it's obvious that I'll be bringing home more than just memories and souvenirs.

I can only hope that Forks is ready for him.


	16. Chapter 16

**After the response to the last chapter, I have decided to get the rest of this story posted as soon as I possibly can. It may take a couple of weeks, but I don't feel like dragging this experience out for longer than I have to.**

**I can handle negative reviews, I can handle constructive criticism, but what I can't handle is when a group of readers take it upon themselves to privately PM me to tell me that they hate me, hate this story, and to make scathing hurtful remarks about my personal life, my son and my ability as a parent. That's low.**

**I'm not petty enough to publish their names, because I don't think I could deal with a second dose of their hatred. **

**I apologise to all of you who are enjoying this story, perhaps you are all just wasting your time reading this. There are so many fantastic stories on this site, I wouldn't blame anyone who decides to abandon this story in favor of a much better story than mine by a much better writer than me.**

**But I'm not a quitter, so I will finish posting until the end. I promise that you won't have to endure my rubbish for much longer.**

**Thank you.**

EPOV:

Neat, manicured lawns and gardens, shiny new cars parked perfectly in their driveways. The street, the entire suburb, looks like the set of a movie. No dirt, no dust, no children playing happily in the street, no joy. I don't know how I survived living here for so many years, its manufactured cheerfulness is strangely depressing now that I know what a real community looks like.

The car slows to a stop in front of a large two-story cream house, an almost perfect replica of those surrounding it. I reach for the door handle, ready to get this over with, when then engine turns off, a throat clears.

"Thanks for doing this Carlisle," I say, turning to my chauffeur for the day, my uncle. "I'll let you know when I'm done...shouldn't be too long."

"Edward," he sighs. "I just want to tell you how sorry I am for all that you're going through now, how sorry we both are."

"Carlisle, really, you don't ha-"

"No," he interrupts, wearily rubbing his forehead. "We let you down when you were younger. If we had tried harder to get through to you, to get you the help you needed, you wouldn't be here now."

"I was an adult, Carlisle," I say, frustrated at his attempt to unjustly carry the blame for my situation. "You couldn't have forced me to get help, you couldn't have made me do anything that I didn't want to do. Ultimately, it was my choice to not listen to you, to not accept help then, not yours."

"Still..." he says sadly, his usually calm blue eyes meeting mine, now a storm of emotion. "Please know that if either Esme or I were aware that you were still in a relationship with Bella, we would have done everything in our power to keep you away from that...that...woman."

"I know, but none of us can change the past, and that's not what I'm trying to do here. I just want some answers so I can move on with my life. That's all."

"Well...good luck then," he says, giving my arm a reassuring squeeze.

"Thanks, I'll call you when I'm ready," I say as I climb out of his car, preparing myself for what is to come.

"Wait," says Carlisle, handing me a plain white envelope. "Don't forget this."

I nod, closing the door quietly, watching him drive away. I tuck the envelope, my ace, safely into my pocket as I make my up the sandstone path, towards the front porch. There is movement inside the house, a shadow behind the curtains in the window. She's home.

Before I can ring the bell, the front door is yanked open, revealing a very pissed off, very disheveled Tanya. In a short skimpy robe, her hair wild and make-up smeared, her appearance is in stark contrast to the perfection of the street outside. She looks crazy, she looks like a nightmare, my nightmare.

"What are you doing here?" she asks, unable to contain her hostility.

"I need to talk to you."

"About...?" she says, waving her hand impatiently.

"Are you going to invite me in?" I ask, deliberately ignoring both her question and her attitude. I gesture to her appearance. "Or would you rather the neighbours saw you looking like this?"

Her eyes quickly scan the street, looking for any signs of life, before turning away, stomping towards the living room. She would never allow the residents of such an affluent suburb to see her as anything less than perfectly put together, her social status is far too important to her.

Taking her childish behavior as an invitation, I follow her into the house, closing the door softly behind me.

"So...what's so important that you had to fly all the way here to interrupt my morning?" she asks as I take my seat on the sofa across from her.

"I want to know why you lied to me," I say, the words barely leaving my lips before Tanya breaks out laughing, as though her deception is the most hilarious joke ever told.

"Oh Edward," she says, wiping her eyes. "You're going to have to be a lot more specific than that."

"You lied to me about how we met, Tanya. Now I want the truth."

"I've told you before, we met at a party at m-"

"Bullshit," I yell, unwilling to listen to her well practiced lie. I didn't come here to play these games with her.

"Fine," she sighs dramatically, completely unfazed by my outburst. "We met at the hospital...when you woke up from your little nap."

"Little nap? I was in a coma Tanya, that's not a little nap!" I say, frustrated. "Can you just cut the crap and tell me everything?"

"Okay...okay. Geez, you always were so uptight," she complains, running her fingers around the rim of the half empty wine glass beside her, before taking a long sip. "Where to begin...oh yeah. As you know, my mother used to work as a cleaner at the hospital where your uncle worked, so naturally she already knew all about the great and powerful Cullens."

Her disdain for my family, then and now, is evident as she pauses to take another sip of wine. Clearly drinking before noon has become her new hobby.

"My family were rich too...once," she says, a vacant look in her eyes. "I don't think I ever told you that. Then again, there were a lot of things I never told you. Yeah...we had money, status, a fancy house, cars, all of it...then one day my dad just dropped dead. Heart attack."

I'm shocked that she had never mentioned any of this before, she barely spoke of her father, I only knew that he had died when she was in her early teens. Her omission only strengthens my belief that our marriage was built on nothing but lies and secrets.

"Turns out that my father didn't own anything," she continues. "The bank did, so when he died, he left us nothing but debt. We had to move out of our nice house and into a shitty little apartment. I had to give up everything! And my mom had to work that demeaning fucking job just to pay back what my father owed. Do you know what that feels like, Edward?"

"No, I don't," I say gently. "But that kind of thing happens to a lot of people, Tanya. It wasn't my fault, and it certainly doesn't explain why you lied to me, why you took advantage of me?"

"You..." she chuckles darkly. "You were a gift. Here we were...poor, nobody, and in you roll, broken...alone...and unbelievably rich. At first the plan was to just befriend you, maybe secure invites to a few ritzy parties, steal a bit cash. But when you couldn't even remember your own name, it was like we'd hit the jackpot! My mom and I would never have to work another day in our lives, not with a rich boyfriend, then husband to support me. And the longer I stayed with you, the more I got. It's perfect."

"So it was all about money for you? You didn't love me at all?" I'm positive that I already know the answer, but I have to ask, I have to hear her say it.

"No," she snorts. "I love what you gave me, though let's face it Edward, you may be attractive buy you're boring, you're a geek. Who would love that?"

I have never been a violent person, but if she wasn't a woman, I would have punched her in the face. If there was any doubt in my mind about the type of person that Tanya is, it has well and truly vanished. She's obviously had a difficult life, a secret life she had never told me about, but I refuse to have any sympathy for her when she clearly had none for me. She's evil...and she is about to get exactly what she deserves.

I pull my phone from my pocket, sending a quick text before standing, looking Tanya in the eye.

"You're wrong," I say confidently. "I have someone who loves me, who has always loved me. She is the most amazing woman that I have ever met."

"Who? Bella?" she asks, looking at my shocked expression. "Oh yeah, I know all about her. Honestly, I'm surprised that she still wants you, especially since you didn't reply to any of her little letters. She must be as pathetic as you are."

"What letters?" I say through my teeth, barely containing my anger.

"The ones she wrote, begging you to write back, or call...I didn't care, I just kept burning them until she eventually stopped writing," she laughs. "I couldn't have anyone trying to take away my meal ticket, could I?"

My own laughter takes her by surprise, erasing the evil smirk that had overtaken her face. "Well since you seem to like letters so much, here's one just for you," I say, grinning as I hand over the envelope.

She quickly tears it open, eyes wide as she reads the contents. "What the hell is this?" she screeches.

"That Tanya, is your eviction notice. So I suggest you pack your things and get the fuck out of my house."

"This is my house, you can't kick me out," she scoffs.

"Ah, that's where you're wrong. The house is actually in my name, it's always been in my name to ensure that Alice always had a safe place to stay when she came to visit you. But as I intend to sue for full custody of Alice, where you live is no longer my problem."

As I watch Tanya's face morph from confidence, to rage, to sheer panic, the doorbell rings. "Looks like the movers are here," I say, moving towards the door, greeting the men on the porch, laden with empty boxes. "Take it all guys, she'll tell you where to deliver it to."

My entire body feels lighter, relaxed, free as I make my way towards Carlisle's car parked at the curb, ignoring the angry screams of Tanya behind me, and the curious neighbours gathering in the street, watching her downfall.

I don't look back.


	17. Chapter 17

**Thanks to all of you for your wonderful support and review. I'm sorry for not replying to anyone, but I've been deliberately staying away from this site for a few weeks. I just needed a break.**

**Am I still angry about the comments about me? Absolutely. So, I'd like to respond to a few of those comments:**

**1. I have never once said that my writing is more important than my son, nor would I ever say that. That's a ridiculous and insulting assumption. I work for myself, which means I can close my business every school holidays. That's why I have more free time during the holidays, NOT because I neglect my duties as a parent.**

**2. I am not a "bitter middle aged woman making the characters do what you couldn't". If I'm middle aged now, then I'll be dead at 65! Enough said.**

**3. Yes, I completed high school, college too, but I'm not sure whether that has anything to do with anyone's ability to write.**

**& 4. I've never said this before because it seems like common sense: IF YOU DON'T LIKE MY STORY, DON'T READ IT! Problem solved.**

**I have the next 6 chapters typed and ready to go, so from now on I'll be posting every 3-4 days, provided nothing comes up.**

**Enjoy...**

**:-D**

BPOV:

An overwhelming sense of calm washes over me as we pass the 'Welcome to Forks' sign. I feel more relaxed, more at peace, than I've felt in quite a while. And after driving almost non-stop for the last few days, the sign is a welcome sight.

It's home.

"Welcome to Forks...population 3104," Emmett reads as we pass, suddenly whipping his head back and forth, searching the street. "3104? So where the hell is everybody?"

"First of all," I say, glancing at my watch. "It's ten-thirty on a Wednesday morning, so most people are either at work or school. And secondly, I don't think that sign has been changed my entire life, so I doubt that there are anywhere near that many people still living here."

"Still...it's kind of creepy that there's no-one around," he says, his face becoming strangely serious. "What if the whole town was abducted by aliens or something? This could be a trap."

"Emmett, it is not a trap," I sputter, my body shaking with laughter, eyes watering. "And I think that aliens would have much better things to do than take over Forks."

"You don't know that," he shakes his head slowly, waving his finger in my direction.

"Knock it off," I say, stopping at the only traffic light in town. "We're almost at the store, so please try to act normal, okay?"

"I'll do my best," he says, a cheeky, somewhat evil, grin spreading across his face. "No guarantees."

I sigh, shaking my head as we continue down the main street, towards the store.

The closer we get, as my nerves begin to kick in, the more I question my decision not tell my friends, my family, of my return beforehand. I've missed them all, more than I ever thought I would, but as I've never been comfortable being the center of attention, I dread the idea of them making a big deal about my homecoming, I just want to settle back into my life here.

There are only four cars in the lot as I pull into my space in front of the store, staring at the building. Nothing has changed, everything just as I had left it. That knowledge alone is comforting.

"This is where you work?" Emmett asks, unbuckling his seat belt.

"Yeah, this is my store," I say, climbing out of the car just as Angela looks out through the store's front window. Her face looks almost cartoon-like, jaw dropped impossibly low, comically wide eyes. As I smile, offering a small wave, her entire body unfreezes, running towards the door.

"Bella," she screams, rushing at me, hugging me tightly. "Oh my god, you're back."

"Of course, I just couldn't stay away," I say, squeezing her gently, overcome with emotion. "I've missed you all so much."

"We've all missed you too, believe me," she says, pulling away, wiping her eyes behind her glasses, before turning to Emmett. "You must be Emmett."

"The one and only," he grins proudly, extending his hand. "And you are..?"

"Oh, this is Angela Cheney ," I interrupt. "Angela, meet Emmett McCarthy."

"Nice to meet you, Emmett," she says kindly, eyeing me suspiciously. "You are not at all what I was expecting."

I roll my eyes at her comment. Despite my assurances otherwise, now that she's actually seen Emmett in the flesh, she has obviously assumed that my motives for travelling with are anything but pure. While she is not the first person to think that, being here in this town, so close to Edward, the assumption makes me extremely uncomfortable.

I had never once stopped to consider how my bringing Emmett here would look to others, especially after disappearing for four months.

Angela, sensing the change in my demeanor, quickly changes the subject, making small talk as she ushers us inside the store. Just as we step through the door, Jasper strolls casually out of the storeroom. His steps falter, head doing a double-take when he sees me.

"Hey Bella," he say as he approaches, giving me an awkward wave before changing his mind, pulling me into a hug.

While I was gone, I had worried more about Jasper than anyone else, Edward included.

I'd always had a soft spot, a special place in my heart, for Jasper. Ever since he'd shown up on my doorstep one day, six years ago. When he and his parents had moved into the house across the street from me. I hadn't paid any attention to them, to the kind of people they were, but when the young lanky boy knocked on my door offering to do any odd jobs for me, disheveled, dirty clothes a size or two small, I immediately knew that there was more to his offer than simply earning himself more pocket money.

Within months, I had given Jasper an under-the-table job stacking shelves at the store, having often proved himself to be more responsible, more honest and trustworthy, than many of my older employees. Yet as happy and polite as Jasper had appeared, there was always a deep sadness in his eyes, a moment of hesitation before he'd leave to go home...and I knew why.

This time...I was paying attention.

I had watched his house turn into a war zone, deathly quiet during the day, erupting into a storm of raised voices, hateful words, broken objects, people by nightfall.

I had noticed alcohol, drugs, strange men enter the house, but not toys, or clothes, never food.

I had seen the bruises, the scratches and scars, covered by impractically long sleeves in a hot storeroom, in the middle of summer.

I had met Jasper's mother only one, shortly after her husband had skipped town, when she'd marched into my store, bloodshot eyes and slurred profanities, accusing me of poisoning her son against her. I had immediately called the police...I never saw her again.

But after returning from work one night to find a broken sixteen year old, angry and abandoned on my doorstep, I had accepted Jasper as my own, given him the stability that he craved, an apartment above the store, and watched him grow, thrive.

Yet I still felt as though I had taken advantage of his ceaseless desire to somehow pay me back for helping him when he needed me. I had placed a lot of responsibility on his young nineteen year old shoulders when I had asked him to take over the store in my absence. And although I knew he was mature, responsible enough for the position, I had worried guiltily that the sudden obligation would become too much for him.

I pull out of his embrace, studying his face. He looks relaxed, confident, instantly easing my worries, my heart swelling with motherly pride, tears welling up in my eyes.

"Hey hey hey," he says quickly, brows furrowed. "It's alright Bella. See...everything's fine, the store is even still in one piece."

"I know, you did a wonderful job, Jasper," I say, wiping my watery eyes. "I'm just so happy to be home, that's all."

"You sure?" he asks, eyeing me cautiously.

"Positive," I nod, smiling.

Just as he open his mouth to speak, a loud crash sounds from the far end of the store. Before anyone can react, Emmett comes rushing past us, straight towards the intercom on the front counter.

"Clean up on aisle...um, four?" he says into the microphone, his voice echoing around us. "No, five. Clean up on aisle four."

"Emmett!"

"What?" he shrugs. "I've always wanted to do that."

"Please," I beg. "Don't make me regret bringing you back with me."

"You won't," he says sheepishly, before nodding his head at Jasper. "Emmett."

"Jasper," he say, nodding himself, narrowing his eyes at the other man, Emmett returning the gesture. Rather than watch these two continue their standoff, I decide that it's time to continue on to my house.

"Okay, I think I'm going to head home now," I interrupt, gaining everyone's attention. "Why don't we all get together at my place for dinner tonight?"

"Sounds great," says Angela enthusiastically. "Ben and the kids will be excited to see you again. Do you want me to bring anything?"

"Just yourselves," I reply. "I haven't cooked anything myself for months, I'm actually looking forward to being back in my kitchen again."

I excuse myself to gather the ingredients for dinner as well as any essentials that I know I won't have at home, before bidding goodbye, albeit briefly, and driving home.

Thanks to Emmett's strength, we have all the groceries, the luggage too, inside and unpacked in a matter of minutes, so I unwisely leave Emmett to entertain himself while I take a much needed shower, hoping beyond hope that he won't destroy my house before I've had a chance to settle back in, to enjoy being in my own environment again.

After relaxing in the shower, scrubbing away the days, and searching through my almost deserted closet for something comfortable to wear, I exit my room, hearing distinctly male voices from downstairs.

One of the voices is obviously Emmett, but it is the other, rich and deep, that has my heart racing, reminding me of home more than anyone else could.

I make my way excitedly down the stairs, giddy at the prospect of seeing him again, only to watch his face crumble, his body turning swiftly away from Emmett, from the open door, from my house, and make his way back to his car, shoulders slumped in defeat. I'm confused by his demeanor, though I automatically assume that it's Emmett's fault, but I cannot let him leave.

I rush down the last few steps and out the door, pushing Emmett aside as I pass, just as Edward reaches his car. His lips are moving, clearly talking to himself, chastising, punishing himself. I love this sad beautiful man far too much to let him do that.

"Edward!" I shout, smiling as make my way to him, back to him.

He looks up, quickly glancing between Emmett and I, searching, as I continue walking, smiling, before his eyes lock with mine, sharing his emotions, his heart, his mouth spreading into his own breathtaking smile, opening his arms for me. My lonely, loving body carries me into his warm embrace.

And I'm finally home.


	18. Chapter 18

**Over 100 reviews! It's beyond my expectations. Thanks to everyone who has reviewed, followed, favourited or just stuck with me & my story. You're amazing!**

**Hope all the Mums out there had (or are still having) a great Mothers Day!**

**:-D**

EPOV:

"Okay class, that's time," I say, much to the relief of many of my students. "Please leave your tests on my desk on your way out. Have a nice day everyone."

I watch them gather their things, slowly filing towards the door, acknowledging every student as their paper lands in front of me. After I am left alone in my classroom, I take a brief look at the first few on the pile and sigh. The results of those who are excelling and those who may struggle to graduate are immediately obvious. I drag my chair closer, collecting my pen, preparing to spend the free hour I have before lunch grading.

I am just completing the third test, when I hear a sharp squeak outside my door, the sound of shoes sliding against the polished floor echoes through the hallway. I look up to see my daughter in the doorway. She has a free at this time, so it's not unusual to see her now, but her appearance, clutching the wall for support, gasping for breath, has me extremely concerned.

"Alice, are you alright?" I ask, shoving my chair away, rushing her. "Are you hurt? What's wrong?"

"Be...Bella," she gasps. My mind immediately begins running through all the worst, the most terrifying possibilities of what Alice could mean, of what could have happened to Bella, my chest painfully tightens at the thought of Bella hurt, or in danger...or worse.

"What happened to Bella, Alice?" I say gently, with urgency. "I need you to tell me what is going on."

She holds her hand up in front of her, silently asking me to wait. I nod, watching her take long calming breaths, slowly relaxing.

"Okay," she says, straightening up. I notice that Alice doesn't look upset at all, if anything she looks happy, her shiny eyes giving away her excitement. "I just got a text from Jasper. Bella's back!"

"What?" I say, my brain struggling to catch up. "How..? She's at the store now?"

"She was earlier, she's probably at here place now."

I take a quick glance at the clock on the front wall of the classroom. I have less than an hour and a half until my next class, I could easily make it to Bella's and back if I left now. I move quickly back to my desk, grabbing my keys, locking my papers in the cabinet.

When I turn back around, Alice is watching me, a knowing smirk on her face as she rolls her eyes, stepping out of the doorway.

"Just go," she says, grinning.

I eye her sceptically. "Are you sure that you're okay with this? With Bella and I? I should have asked you before..." I know that Alice and Bella share a close bond, but with everything that has happened recently, I hadn't stop to consider how Alice might feel about the possibility of Bella and I dating again.

"I love Bella, and she makes you really happy. So absolutely okay with it," she says cheerfully, giving me a brief hug. "Now go...and tell Bella I'll come and see her after school."

"I will," I say, as I usher Alice into the corridor, closing and locking the classroom door behind us. "I'll see you when you get home then. I love you, Alice."

"Love you too Dad," she says, embarrassed, discreetly checking the hallway for other students that may have overheard, making me chuckle as I hurry towards the exit, to my car in the car park beyond.

I'm in my car, leaving the school grounds before it occurs to me that Bella may not want me to just show up like this, unexpectedly, perhaps she was waiting until she was comfortable enough to call me, until she was ready. Still, I didn't stop. Even if she isn't ready to talk yet, just seeing her would be enough, I would take whatever she gave me.

I had driven by Bella's house many times while she was gone, until today it had remained unchanged, empty, a daily reminder that she was no longer here. But as I turn down her street, the warmth that fills me upon seeing her car in the driveway is indescribable. I know that we have a long way to go in our relationship, either as friends or as a couple, I'm not foolish enough to believe that Bella and I can simply go back to when things were perfect between us, before everything fell apart, but just having her home again is a giant step in the right direction, a step towards our future.

I park my car in front of her house, taking a moment to compose myself before walking towards the door, knocking timidly. I am surprised by the sound of footsteps, much too heavy to be Bella, on the other side of the door, but much less so than when it opens to reveal a much bigger, much younger man.

"Can I help you?" he asks, his voice friendly yet strangely guarded.

I stare at him, dumbfounded. Who is he? More importantly, why is he in Bella's house? I glance quickly, nervously, at her car, if she is home, she must know this guy. An intruder wouldn't just answer the door...would they?

"Yes, is Bella here?" I ask, feeling much like a shy teenager, calling upon his first girl.

"Uh...she's a little busy right now," he says, tilting his head, looking quickly over his shoulder. "I can let her know you came by...?"

"Edward, Edward Cullen," I supply. His posture suddenly changes, arms folded across his chest, his body becoming impossibly larger.

"Cullen..hmm," he says, gruffly. "I've heard a lot about you."

He doesn't elaborate on what Bella has told him, but given his change in demeanor, I can't help but think the worst. Bella and I didn't part on the best terms, yet I cannot imagine why Bella would choose to confide in this stranger.

"Well I'm sure Bella wouldn't mind if I came in and waited for her," I persist. "We're...friends."

"Yeah? Well I'm her...friend too," he challenges, smirking, mocking me. I glare back, I came here to see Bella, not to play games with this stranger. He sighs, rolling his eyes. "Look man, Bella's in the shower, okay? She wanted to get cleaned up, we've had a pretty busy morning, you know?"

The smirk, the arched brow...the suggestion...

My blood runs cold.

"So...you're together? You and Bella?" I ask, my heart breaking as the words slip from my mouth, remembering that Bella hadn't made any promises to me. If she chose to be with someone else, I would have to respect that.

"Oh yeah," he laughs, his confident grin growing. "We've been together for about a month now, I think."

"Right..." I say, turning away from the stranger, the victor. I'm hurt, I'm embarrassed, I'm angry at myself for not considering for a moment that Bella may have moved on.

"God, I am such an idiot," I mumble quietly, dragging myself back to my car. "Why would she wait for y-"

"Edward!"

My head snaps up, towards the sound of her voice, watching her take the last step off the porch. Memories that I held of Bella could never compare to the sight of her now, eyes bright, happy, her smile radiant and loving, she has never looked more beautiful.

From the corner of my eye, I see the stranger shaking, his mouth hidden behind his hand, but his eyes are...joyful?

My own dart back and forth between him and Bella, trying to unlock the mystery, to solve the puzzle. When the younger man lets out a loud snort, his bulky frame doubling over, laughing aloud, I know.

It's a joke, he was joking.

I lock eyes with Bella, my smile growing, equaling hers. We don't speak, my body frozen as she continues taking slow measured steps towards me, until I can no longer endure it, having her here, so close, without touching her. I open my arms to her, hoping that she'll accept my invitation, that she needs to hold me too.

Her arms wrap tightly, desperately, around my neck, much clutching, leaving no space between us. She sighs contentedly, warm breath brushing my throat, my entire body shudders.

"I missed you, Edward," she sobs. "I missed you so much."

"I missed you too," I whisper, shaken, laying gentle kisses in her hair, on her neck, below her ear, desperate for as much contact as she will allow. Fingernails lightly scratch at the fine hairs on the back of my head as I melt into her.

Leaving a trail of delicate kisses across her cheek, I brush my lips softly against hers and wait, watching carefully, for her to make the next move.

Her response is swift, passionate, lips parted and tongues exploring, she is everywhere. Her scent, taste, the feel of her warm body pressing urgently against mine, her soft quiet whispers. It feels like years since I've, we've, experienced this, my body craves more. Sliding my hands down her sides to her hips, gripping, pulling her against me, discreetly, shamelessly grinding. Bella moans into my mouth, pushes, grinds back.

Suddenly, Bella's moans turn to screams, cold water raining down on us, behind her stands the culprit and the hose.

"Emmett," Bella scowls.

"Trust me, I did you both a favour," he shrugs, scrunching his face up. "You two were putting on quite a show. What would the neighbours think?"

What he said might be true, but as Bella snuggles shyly into my arms, I can't bring myself to care.


	19. Chapter 19

**Sorry sorry phone decided that it wasn't so smart after all and ate all my work, so I had to type it all out again. Grrr!**

**I've decided to turn my private messaging off to avoid harassment, but good news: I'm now on Facebook! Come check it out, chat, bitch me out, whatever!**

**Thanks to everyone for supporting my little story, you're the greatest!**

**:-D**

BPOV:

Life moved on quickly after my return to Forks, for which I was grateful. The excitement of life on the road no longer held any appeal for me, for others...it was the only way to live.

Emmett had become increasingly restless over the past weeks, so returning home to find his note resting on my kitchen counter was surprising, but not entirely unexpected.

_Dear Bella,_

_If you're reading this letter, then you know that I've gone. I know you're probably angry that I didn't say goodbye in person but I thought that writing you a letter would be easier for both of us. I don't know, I've never really had to say goodbye before._

_Thank you for letting me hijack your holiday, for giving me a job and a place to stay, and for showing me how the other half live. Forks almost feels as much like home as my own does, so I think I'm going to head back to Tennessee for a while to see my family. Being here with you made me really miss them._

_Bella, you are without a doubt the greatest woman I've ever met, but you're far too giving. Take more time for yourself, you've got a lot of people in Forks who care about you, let them take care of you. You deserve it, okay?_

_This won't be the last you see of me, I'll visit you again next time the road brings me back your way. I can't say when, but I promise I'll be back._

_I love you, Mom._

_Emmett_

_P.S. Please don't worry about me. I know you will anyway, but I can totally handle myself._

I carry Emmett's letter with me to the living room, dropping heavily onto the couch, tears silently dripping onto the paper. I knew that he would not want to stay in Forks forever, I'm surprised that he had stayed as long as he did, obviously three months in one place was too much for his adventurous spirit. But with Emmett came excitement, a youthful exuberance that I fear will fade away without his presence, taking mine along with it.

In need of comfort, of reassurance, I pick up my phone from the side table, dialling a number that I know by heart.

"Hello my love," his velvet voice purrs through the phone, my predictable heart skips at the sound, my tears however, continue. I cannot speak, only sob.

"Bella?" Edward asks, immediately concerned when I don't answer. "What's wrong? Are you hurt?"

"Emmett...he's..." I sob, unable to finish my sentence before Edward interrupts.

"God dammit," he seethes, taking calming breaths before continuing, his tone now soft. "Bella, I don't know what he did this time, but please don't take anything that idiot says or does seriously. I honestly just think that he likes upsetting people, and I know you don't want to hear this, but maybe you need to stop letting him get away with everything. Force him to grow up."

"Stop," I say, wiping my eyes, interrupting yet another lecture from Edward on the subject of Emmett's behavior. Since the first day they had met, when Emmett had cruelly deceived Edward into believing that I was in a romantic relationship with him, Edward had taken an immediate disliking to Emmett, barely tolerating him for my benefit only. Normally I would stay out of it, refusing to take sides, but now, I didn't want Emmett to take the blame for my emotional outburst, for my insecurities. "Please...don't blame him, he didn't do anything."

"Then what happened?" he asks kindly, patiently.

"Nothing, he's just...he..he left," I say quietly, tears falling with renewed intensity. "He's gone and he didn't even wait to say goodbye in person, he just wrote me a letter, then left."

"It's okay, love. Please...just calm down," he says gently, lovingly, but his words do nothing to stop my tears. I hear him shuffling around, clothes rustling, keys jingling. "I'm coming over, alright? I'll be there soon. I love you."

"I love you too," I whisper brokenly, ending the call.

I feel frustrated, angry that I am letting myself get so emotional, that I've now dragged Edward into my breakdown. Edwards opinion aside, I had liked having Emmett here in Forks. He was the ultimate souvenir, tangible proof of what I had seen and experienced, he was someone, the only one, who I could reminisce about my time spent away with.

Despite his frequent jokes about being my child, Emmett was like a son to me. I had relished the opportunity to again be responsible for another, and although he was, is, a grown man, he still sought me out for guidance, advice, for the maternal love that his own mother had denied him. For all intents and purposes, I was his mom, and I would miss him like only a mother could.

I sat staring at Emmett's letter, dazed, completely unaware of my surroundings, until Edward suddenly appeared in front of me, kneeling on the well worn rug, his palms delicately cradling my face, eyes a storm of concern.

"Oh Bella," he says sadly, causing tears that had long dried to re-emerge, his thumbs gently wiping them from my cheeks.

"It's stupid, I know. I'm just going to miss him so much," I sob, wrapping my arms around Edward, clutching tightly to his shirt. His hands slip under my thighs, carefully lifting me to him before settling himself on the couch, adjusting me in his lap.

"It is perfectly alright to be sad, Bella," he says tenderly. "He was your friend, of course you're going to miss him."

"It's not just that," I say, shaking my head. "I liked having him here, with me, I liked knowing that I had someone to take care of, someone to come home to. Things are not going to be the same without him."

It is true, without Emmett around the silence that greeted me tonight will become my constant companion in this house. Even before I met Emmett, before I left Forks, I had Charlie who, although he could not talk back to me, was still here, at home, for me to share tales of my day with. Yes, I will always have Edward, but he has his own home, his own responsibilities, graduation just around the corner, I cannot selfishly ask him to drop everything, rush to my side, every time I'm feeling emotional or simply because I cannot bare the thought of being alone again.

Edward freezes beneath me, around me, his hand softly cupping my chin, lifting my face to mirror his. He stares intently, eyes blazing with determination, holding me in place, scorching my soul.

"What is it?" I quietly ask, my nerves increasing the longer he remains silent, still.

"Move in with me," he says simply, seriously, telling not asking.

If he didn't look so determined, so hopeful, I might have laughed at his suggestion. We have not been together for long, only a few months in total, we're not ready to take such a big step in our relationship...are we?

"It's too soon," I whisper, my heart undermining my conviction, my voice sounding as unsure as I feel.

Edward simply smiles.

"For others, maybe," he shrugs. "But we're not like other couples, Love. It took too long for us to find each other again, I don't waste another second. You're it for me Bella, you know that right? I'm never going to love anyone as much as I love you."

"I love you too...but I don't know," I say, climbing from his lap, pacing across the room and back. "Are we really ready for this?"

"Bella, I wouldn't have asked if I didn't think we were ready," he chuckles. "I know that I am absolutely ready. Hell, I'd propose if I didn't know for sure that it would freak you out."

"No. No proposals," I say as I stop in front of him, shaking my head. "Definitely not ready for that."

"I know, and that's why I didn't ask. Soon, yes, but not today," he says patiently. "So...what do you say?"

I manage to drag my eyes away from his, looking around the room. This house is the only real, stable home that I have ever known, filled to the brim, bursting at the seams with memories of my youth, my life, my father. The idea of letting it go is painful.

But the thought of turning Edwards offer down, of rejecting him, is worse.

"What am I going to do with my house?" I ask, my resolve crumbling in the face of Edwards love, of the love that we share. His smile grows impossibly wider at knowledge that he is about to get his wish. "I don't want to sell it."

"You don't have to decide that right now. Keep it empty, rent it out, it's up to you. But there is no hurry," he says, hands finding purchase on my hips, pulling me down to straddle his lap. "I just want you, Bella. I want you with me every night, not just on weekends. And I know that Alice would love having another female in house, having you living with us. Just say yes...please?"

His impish grin, the hope shining brightly in his eyes, how could I possibility say no to this man?

Leaning towards him, softly resting my lips against his, I whisper, breathe. "Yes.""

Faster than I can blink, my back is pressed against the couch cushions, his strong, hard body caring my own much softer one protectively, lovingly. His face, inches from mine, is glorious, lit up like a kid on Christmas morning, the happiest I've ever seen him. I know I've made the right choice.


	20. Chapter 20

**Thank you all for your continued support of this story, particularly the last chapter, I'd always considered it to be the weakest chapter in the entire story.**

**To those who have reviewed but not received a reply, I'm sorry. I have been swamped by RL responsibilities and unfortunately I have to give priority to my customers over my readers. It's not really an excuse, it's just life. I love writing, but sadly it doesn't pay the bills. Regardless, I still love hearing all your thoughts.**

**:-D**

EPOV:

Almost a year to the day since I arrived in Forks, I find myself once again surrounded by empty packing boxes, only now they are waiting to be filled instead of thrown away, and it isn't my life, my belongings, memories, that we were sorting and packing, but Bella's.

The house has sat empty of life for more than a month now, Bella only taking with her what she would need on a day-to-day basis, returning occasionally to collect a forgotten piece of clothing or an item that couldn't be found in my home, now our home.

When I had suggested that she do nothing with the house, I hadn't expected her to do just that...nothing. And while I was overjoyed that Bella was living with me, with us, Alice and I, Bella's reluctance to pack all her belongings and move them to our home, to merge her life with mine completely, had me concerned about her commitment to us and our future together.

Until this morning that is, when I awoke to find myself alone in our bed, the room silent, Bella's side empty and cold. I had foolishly thought the worst, that I had put too much pressure on Bella, that she had fled, but after rushing to dress and racing downstairs, I was greeted with a pile of packing supplies and a beaming girlfriend. She had had an epiphany late last night, she'd said, that it was time to make this move official.

"Hey Edward," Angela says as I seal the last of Bellas beloved books in their box. "Alice and I are going on a food run, do you have any requests?"

"No, anything's fine. Thanks Ange."

"No problem," she calls over her shoulder as she follows Alice out the front door.

I push the finished box aside and stand, stretching my arms above my head, cracking my aching back. Jasper and Ben, Angela's husband, had left a few minutes before to deliver the first load of boxes to my home, leaving just Bella and I here.

Desperate for a rare moment alone with my love, I head upstairs in search of Bella. But after searching all the rooms upstairs, I realise that there is only one place she can be.

Charlie's room.

Bella had not set foot in his room since he had died, that the door had been closed, the room sealed upon his passing, but as I walk down the hall towards the back of the house, I can see the door now ajar, though I hear no sound from within.

Bella is sitting in a chair beside the hospital-style bed, her gaze unfocused. She doesn't look up as I enter, so caught up in her own thoughts, she does not hear my knuckles gently tap on the door, nor my footsteps as I walk to her.

"Love?" I ask, running my hand gently through her hair, down her back. When her eyes finally meet mine, she looks like a lost little girl.

"Hey," she says weakly, offering me a small sad smile.

"Hey, are you okay?"

"Yeah," she sighs. "Just thinking."

"About what?" I ask, although I suspect that I may already know the answer.

"Charlie," she says, confirming my suspicion. We fall into silence, both absorbed in our thoughts, our surroundings. With another long sigh, Bella stands, wiping her hands down the front of her jeans. Her eyes are dry, she hasn't been crying. I expect her to soon, truthfully I have expected her to breakdown all day, that the emotional toll of sorting and packing twenty-five years of life in this house would prove too much, but she continues to prove me wrong as she slowly gathers items from the shelves, carefully placing them in an open box nearby. Clearly her epiphany has given her the strength that she had needed. Yet as a man, as her man, I cannot let her face this task alone.

"Bella, if this is too difficult for you, I can pack this room," I softly offer.

"No," she shakes her head. "It's alright. I...I need to do this myself."

"Are you sure? I want to help you."

"Yes...I'm sure," she says, turning to face me. "I should have done this months ago, I just couldn't bare the thought of getting rid of Charlie's things."

"I understand, it was too soon."

"It was," she agrees, before gesturing wildly to the contents of the room, to the room itself. "But by not doing anything, I've turned this room into a god damn shrine. Charlie...he wouldn't have wanted that. He'd be mortified if he could see me now."

"He wouldn't, Bella," I say passionately, wrapping my arms loosely around her waist. "If Charlie could see you now, he'd be so proud of you baby. He was always proud of you."

"How do you..." she eyes me strangely, confused.

"My journals," I say simply.

"Of course...the journals," she laughs, rolling her eyes. The sound is a welcome relief after her silence and frustration. "You know you're going to have to let me read them one day."

"But they're my private thoughts," I say, feigning offence before chuckling along with her. "Plus, you were there too, you already know everything that's written in them."

"I know," she smiles. "But it would be nice to know what happens inside that poor confused mind of yours sometimes."

"A man's got to have some secrets, Bella," I joke, knowing that if she were to ask, there is nothing that I wouldn't tell her, nothing I wouldn't share.

"Oh no," she says. "I think secrets have gotten us in enough trouble, don't you?"

"Absolutely," I agree wholeheartedly. Along with my own stupidity, our secrets could have cost us our future, our happiness. It's not a mistake either of us is willing to make again.

"Okay then," she says, quickly pecking me on the lips. "Now grab a box Edward, I just want to get this finished so that we can go home."

Home...

Coming from her lips, in her own voice, such a simple mundane word has never sounded so sweet.


	21. Chapter 21

**What? Another chapter already? Shocking I know. Truthfully, I'm hoping that back to back chapters will make up for my terrible schedule over the last few weeks. And possibly the content of this chapter...**

**Of all the chapters, I think this is the one most likely to spark controversy. A lot of you have already expressed your opinion on the subject in this chapter, but this has been written for months now, I wasn't ever going to change it no matter how many people think I should. It has been my plan all along.**

**Enough with the vague references, you all can read it & decide for yourselves...**

**:-D**

BPOV:

"Jesus Bella,it's like the North Pole in here," says Angela, furiously rubbing her bare arms. "Why are all these fans on?"

"Because I'm boiling up and I can't spend all day in the frozen food section again, it's scaring the customers," I say, frustrated, even in the middle of summer I wasn't this hot.

"Bella you've been like this all week, just go to the doctor. Or better yet, ask Edward, he would know what's wrong."

"I have an appointment today at two," I say, glancing at my watch, noting that I would have to leave work in half an hour if I wanted to make my appointment on time. "And I don't need to ask Edward, I know what's wrong."

And I did. Between Google and Edwards old medical textbooks that I had found in his study, I knew exactly what was wrong. Hot flushes, irregular periods, fluctuating moods, it all pointed to one thing.

"I've started menopause," I say bluntly.

Angela snorts loudly. "Bella, I doubt that your going through menopause, you're way too young for that. You've only just turned forty!"

Forty...just the number alone sends shivers up my spine. Until last month, I could have simply played down my age by saying I was in my thirties, now there's no hiding from the truth. I was getting old...and now I'm menopausal, my life is half over, my youth shrivelled and dead along with my ovaries.

Normally, I didn't celebrate my birthdays, happy to let the day pass without any fanfare, but this year Edward, and more importantly Alice, refused to allow my birthday to go uncelebrated. Fortunately I was able to talk them out of hosting a lavish party, the occasion being marked instead with a quiet dinner with friends and family, much to Alice's disappointment.

"According to the websites I looked at, it can start anywhere between forty and fifty, but it could happen earlier or later than that," I tell her seriously. "I have most of the symptoms, Ange...I just have to accept it."

"I wouldn't believe everything that you read online," she says, smirking. "Just wait and see what the doctor says, okay? Stop thinking the worst first, you always do that."

"I do not," I argue. Angela eyes me sceptically, she knows that she's right, I do have a tendency to jump to the worst conclusions. "Fine, I'll wait until after my appointment, but when I'm proven right, and I will be, you have to provide the wine to drown my sorrows in, deal?"

"Deal," she says smiling. We move away from the subject of my impending infertility as Angela tells me about her adventure shopping for Halloween costumes with her kids.

I'm jealous, I'll never have that now. A part of me wishes that I had been irresponsible when I was younger, that I should have intentionally tried to get pregnant by a stranger, but deep down I couldn't imagine anyone except Edward fathering my children. And although she isn't mine biologically, Alice is Edwards daughter, I would, I do, love her as the closest I can possibly have to my own.

"Bella? Bella, did you here me?" Angela asks, noticing my lack of attention. "Your phone is beeping."

"Shit," I shout, glancing down at my phone, turning off the alarm I had set to remind me of when I had to leave. "I've got to run, I should be back in an hour."

"Take your time Bella," she says casually. "The girls and I have it covered. If you're not back by three, I'll go upstairs and get Jasper before I leave."

"Thanks," I say, grabbing my purse, rushing out the office door, before popping my head back in to remind Angela of her promise. "Don't forget the wine."

The drive to the medical center, located within Forks Hospital, is slower than I had anticipated, leaving me no time to prepare myself before I am inside and my name is being called.

After explaining my symptoms and discussing my medical history, Doctor Browning removes her glasses, explaining her theory.

"While I find it unlikely that you are experiencing early menopause, you do display several symptoms," she says. "So I'd like to do a preliminary urine test, just to check your hormone levels. If the results do indicate menopause, then we'll take a blood sample for testing and discuss your options, okay?"

I am handed a plastic cup and directed towards the adjoining restroom. As U fill the cup, my nerves, my fears, begin to take hold. By the time I hand the container back to the doctor, my hands are shaking violently, so terrified of what the results may be. I thought I could accept the diagnosis, now I'm not so sure.

As I sit here alone in the doctors office, I wonder what Edward will think, how I will tell him. I know that he loves me, I have no reason to doubt his feelings, but I am worried that that this will change things between us, that he won't see me the same way anymore.

Despite my nerves, my worry, I am almost relieved when the doctor returns minutes later with two tests in hand, though her smile has me confused.

"This is the test we ran for menopause," she says, placing the test down on her side of the desk, still smiling. "But we don't need to worry about that, you aren't experiencing menopause."

"Are you sure?" I ask just to be certain.

"Positive," she says kindly, pushing the second test towards me. "Which leads us to this test."

"What is it?" I ask, staring intently at the small plastic rectangle in front of me, it does look vaguely familiar.

"That is a pregnancy test, Bella," she happily say, indicating to the small symbol on the test. "Or should I say, Mommy."

Pregnancy test? Mommy? What?

"What?" my voice echoes my thoughts. "I can't be pregnant, I take my pill religiously, it's not possible. I'm too old..."

"Bella," she says seriously, calmly. "Every woman is different. If you were an overweight chain-smoker with a history of troubled pregnancies then yes, I would possibly say you were too old, but you are in perfect health. The most important factor to consider here is if _you_ want this baby."

"Of course I want my baby," I say automatically, offended by the suggestion that I wouldn't want my own child, Edwards child.

Edward...

I am vaguely aware of Doctor Browning talking as my mind fills with thoughts of Edward cradling our child, the vision of a little boy with wild bronze hair overriding my fear of needles as she takes a sample if my blood. My brain snaps back to the present as the doctor hands me the test and an appointment card, barely stumbling to my car as I leave the hospital.

A baby...

My baby...

Our baby...

I quickly check the time as I drive away. Three-twenty. If I hurry I can catch Edward at the school. I don't want to wait until after I finish work to tell him, he would want to know as soon as possible, I want to tell him as soon as possible.

This morning I had thought the worst, that I had missed my opportunity to have children of my own, now I cannot wipe the smile off my face as I pull my car into the visitors spaces in front of Forks High School. Edward's shiny silver Volvo is still parked in the teachers area, but as I ponder whether to wait by his car or head inside to find him, out of the corner of my eye, I catch his tall handsome figure step confidently out the main doors, down the steps towards his car, as I had seen him do many times when we were students here.

"Edward!" I shout, his steps falter as he frantically searches for the source of the sound. Test in hand, I hurry to meet him, catching him unawares with a passionate kiss, my lips pressing painfully against his. He pulls back, clearly caught of guard by my extremely amorous greeting.

"Not that I'm complaining," he smiles. "But what are you doing here?"

"I wanted to surprise you," I say happily, my excitement barely contained, eager to share my joy.

"Well consider me surprised," he say, clearly thinking my presence alone is the surprise. I make a mental note to visit Edward at work more often, as it obviously makes him very happy.

"That's not the surprise," I laugh, taking his hand, placing the test on his open palm. "This is."

His face gradually transforms from confused to understanding, to shock, to joy. He looks quickly between the test and my face, casting a brief glance at my stomach, as if it were possible to see the life we created growing inside.

"Bella...?"

"I'm pregnant, Edward...we're having a baby."

A tortured moan escapes his mouth as he drops to his knees in front of me, burying his face in my shirt, his bag and papers forgotten, spread out on the grass around him.

"God Bella," he sobs, pressing delicate kisses on my abdomen. "I...I didn't...oh god, thank you. Thank you Love...our baby."

"Sssh, I know," I whisper. "It's amazing."

He looks up at me, eyes wet and red. "I love you so much...so much Bella."

"I love you," I say, still smiling, so unbelievably happy. "And I love our baby. And Alice, and Jasper too. I love our little family."

His eyes light up, my words erasing any lingering doubt about what we mean to each other, how we see us.

"Our family..."


	22. Chapter 22

**Thank you all so much for the fantastic feedback for the last chapter. Sure we lost a few followers, but I honestly prefer that to hostile reviews.**

**To the guest reviewer who shared their belief that as Edward already has a child with Tanya, he will always belong to her because "That's how it is", I would like to tell you now, from personal experience, that isn't how it is at all. I don't hate my sons father anymore, but the idea of still belonging to a child abusing, spouse beating drug addict makes my blood run cold. So...no. I'm not hating on you or your review, I just think that your idealistic belief lacks real world knowledge. Everyone's situation is different.**

**Only four chapters left after this one...**

**:-D**

EPOV:

Waking up beside Bella is always the best part of my day. The morning sun peaking through our curtains to light her glowing skin, the soft sleepy breaths that escape from her pouty lips, the way her body snuggles deeper into the covers, subconsciously seeking mine. I can't imagine a man alive luckier than I am.

"Mmmm...Edward," she murmurs as I place feather-light kisses on her bare shoulder, my warm hand sliding along her once flat stomach, resting upon the small bump. Our baby.

This is a new experience for me, Tanya did not like me to even look at her when she was carrying Alice, let alone touch, but Bella doesn't seem to mind that I can't keep my hands to myself. Even now, as she sleeps, they shamelessly roam her changing body, combing through her hair as it ways across her back, cupping her perfect breasts, fuller than before, gently squeezing, her sighs, her moans, encouraging my exploration.

As my hand trails seductively down her side, over her hip towards her warm, wet centre, I hear footsteps coming down the hall, pausing silently outside our bedroom door. I sigh, reluctantly rolling away from beautiful love, waiting for the knock before leaving the warmth of our bed. After pulling on a pair of pajama pants, I open the door, revealing a cheerful Esme.

"Good morning sweetie," she whispers. "Merry Christmas."

"Merry Christmas to you too," I say, my voice rough from sleep.

"Is Bella awake? I didn't want to start cooking without at least checking with her first."

"Esme, I'm sure Bella won't mind if -" I begin before a voice from behind me interrupts.

"It's alright Esme, I'll be down in a minute."

"Okay dear," she replies. "Merry Christmas."

"Merry Christmas," Bella chuckles as my Aunt heads back downstairs. I shake my head, closing the door. There goes my plans for a morning in bed with Bella.

"Merry Christmas, baby," she whispers seductively, wrapping her arms around me, kissing my back as I glare at the door. "I'm sorry your fun got interrupted."

I turn around, surprised. "You were awake?"

"Of course," she giggles, stretching up to peck my lips. "Did you really think that I was going to let you molest me in my sleep?"

"Well...I had hoped..." I say, pulling her against me, nibbling, biting, kissing her neck.

"Edward!" she shrieks, lightly slapping my bare chest. "Go shower, I've got to go help Esme."

Grumbling to myself, I make my way to the bathroom, rushing through my morning routine, eager to rejoin my family downstairs.

Bella and Esme are standing at the counter when I enter the kitchen, ingredients laid out before them, dividing up the cooking tasks, Carlisle sitting alone at the table, surrounded by platters of breakfast foods.

"Morning Carlisle," I greet, taking a seat across from him, loading my plate.

"Good morning, son," he says, smiling in gratitude as Bella places steaming cups of coffee in front of each of us. We continue to gorge ourselves in silence until it dawns on me how quiet it really is. Far too quiet for a Christmas morning.

"Where's Alice?" I ask, hoping that she isn't still asleep. I know from experience that if we let her sleep in, today of all days, she'll never forgive us. Nobody loves Christmas as much as Alice.

"She's outside waiting for Jasper. He should be here by now," Esme answers.

Immediately I drop my fork and stand, making my way to the door, only to have my path blocked by Bella.

"Where do you think you are going?" she asks sternly, hands on her hips.

"I'm just going to say hello."

"No you're not, you're going to spy on them again," she says, rolling her eyes. "I thought you trusted them, what's going on?"

She knows me so well. I have been spying on them, but truthfully they have been acting suspiciously lately. Whispered conversations that abruptly end whenever I get near, papers shuffling, laptops closing at the sound of my voice. Of course I trust them but I cannot ignore their odd behavior.

"They are up to something, Bella," I say, sharing my suspicions. "They're being secretive and I want to know why."

"Well spying on them is not going to help, in fact it will probably make them more secretive," she gently says, pushing me back towards the table. "Alice and Jasper are both mature and responsible, if there is something going on, and I'm not saying that there is, they will tell us when they are ready, okay?"

"Okay," I sigh, sitting back down, resting my head softly against our baby bump, silently praying that this one is a boy so that I won't have to worry about some punk kid trying to corrupt them. Bella runs her fingers through my hair, comforting me, soothing me, before returning to her cooking.

Not five minutes later, the front door opens, footsteps traveling towards us, soft and quick, heavy and slow. Alice appears through the door in typical Alice fashion for today...dressed as an elf, Jasper obediently follows, ridiculous Santa hat upon his head. After a quick round of greetings, they retreat to the living room, back to their own little world.

With breakfast eaten, Carlisle and I escape to the study, our offers of help met with arched brows and shaken heads. If I didn't know how important this meal was to Bella, I would almost be offended. But this is the first real Christmas dinner that she has ever prepared, it's our first Christmas together as a couple, as a family, it is special for all of us.

We spend the next couple of hours just talking, catching up on news from Chicago. This is also the first Christmas that Alice and I haven't spent there, but it didn't seem right to take Bella to Chicago for our first holiday together, too many bad memories. This year is about making new ones, memories that aren't tainted by my past.

The afternoon seems to fly by, sitting around our dining table enjoying the delicious meal that Esme and Bella had lovingly prepared, sharing gifts by the tree in the living room, smiling, laughing together, celebrating the greatest Christmas that I can ever remember having.

My eyes travel to Alice and Jasper, who appear to be locked in a silent conversation. My suspicions continue to grow, and although Bella had told me to wait for them to open up, I cannot wait any longer, I cannot hold my tongue.

"Okay you two," I sigh. "What's going on?"

They both turn to look my way, conflicting emotions on their faces, Jasper brave, Alice scared. Jasper clears his throat, assuming his role as spokesperson for the couple.

"As you know, Alice is going away to college next year," he nervously begins, as the both stand, their hands clasped tightly to each others. I simply glare at him, I don't need another reminder that my baby girl is neither a baby nor a little girl anymore, especially not from him. He looks at Alice for support, when she smiles he continues. "I've decided that when she moves...I'll be moving with her."

I narrow my eyes at him. "Move with her? Or move in with her?"

"Both," he says, mirroring my expression.

"No, no fucking way!" I shout.

"Dad!"

"Mr. Cullen..."

"Edward!"

Of all the voices in the room, Bella's is the only one I can focus on. I turn towards her, expecting to see her love and support, but her face is pinched tight, eyes cold.

"Can I speak to you in the kitchen for a moment?" she grits out, I can tell from her expression, her tone, that it isn't a request. As she storms off, I follow without hesitation.

"Care to explain what the hell that was?" she asks, arms folded across her chest.

"I know, who does that little punk think he is?"

"Jasper? No I'm talking about you," she hisses.

"I didn't do anything," I defend. "He's the one who thinks he can walk in here and steal my daughter away!"

"Edward," she sighs, clearly frustrated by my attitude. "He is not trying to steal anyone. Alice is leaving for college, he's just going with her. If anything, Alice is stealing Jasper."

"They can't, they're too young. They're only kids Bella," I argue weakly, knowing already that I'm not going to win, that Alice and Jasper will eventually be leaving...together.

"Oh honey," Bella says, cuddling into my chest, my hand instinctively seeking her stomach, stroking gently. "They are both adults, we can't tell them what to do anymore, only give them advice and hope they make the right choices. We were planning to do exactly the same thing when we were young, we'd be hypocrites if we told them no."

I love how she uses the word we, like we're in this together, a team. I realise suddenly that although this is hard for, Alice and Jasper leaving is going to be much harder for Bella, she'll be losing both a son and a daughter, and yet she is supportive of their choice. My desire to stop them is selfish.

"I guess it's pointless trying to stop them then, isn't it?"

"Completely," she laughs, squeezing me tighter. "At least Alice won't be out in the big wide world alone, Jasper is never going to let anything bad happen to her, you know that."

"I know," I grumble. "Let's go give them the good news then."

When we re-enter the room, Alice is sobbing in Jaspers arms, his lips moving quietly beside her ear, whispering. I hate myself for making her cry, I hate that Jasper can provide her comfort where I cannot.

"Okay," I say gripping Bella's hand for courage. "You have our blessing."

"Eeeeee!" Alice squeals, dashing across the room to hug Bella and I. "Thank you, thank you, thank you."

Laughing and giggling, I can't remember the last time I've seen her so excited. She rushed back to Jaspers side, sharing her enthusiasm with him.

He smiles lovingly down at her. "Best Christmas ever," he says.

For once, I agree.


	23. Chapter 23

**I'm incredibly sorry for the long delay, I've been having huge problems with the publishing app on my phone, but I've got a new one now so hopefully I can get this story finished this week. Thank you all for sticking with it.**

**Thanks also to everyone reviewing and following this story, I'm honestly blown away by your support!**

**One more chapter down, only three to go...**

**:-D**

BPOV:

Tap-tap-tap

"Again?" I groan, easing myself up off of the sofa to answer the door again.

Being Valentine's Day, I had expected that Edward, a romantic at heart, would have something special planned for us, but I had yet to see him at all in person. Instead I've had a small parade of friends and family, all bearing gifts from the man in question.

First Angela's sons, Matthew and Kyle, carrying scented candles, luxury bath products and a soft fluffy robe, looking predictably uncomfortable for pre-teen boys. The card attached simply saying _RELAX._

Jasper with a basket of goodies, candies, chocolate, juices and fruit, a card reading _ENJOY._

Sue presenting me with a beautiful silvery white Grecian style gown, perfect for my expanding abdomen, and a pair of low matching heels. According to the note attached, I was to wear the outfit when I finally do meet up with Edward.

I open the door, foolishly expecting to see him on the other side, only to be greeted by an amused, excited looking Angela. Obviously she, along with everyone else that I have been visited by today, knows exactly what Edward has planned and while a small part of me is happily curious, I'm becoming angry about being left in the dark.

"I take it that those are for me?" I sigh, motioning towards the lovely bouquet of flowers in her arms.

"Of course," she smiles, handing them to me. I immediately retrieve the card, reading the brief cryptic message.

_Bring these..._

"Bring these? Bring them where?" I ask, exasperated.

"I can't tell you, Bella," she says, still smiling.

"Please?" I beg. "I know that you know what's going on, can't you just give me a little clue?"

"Sorry," she laughs, not sounding the least bit apologetic. "Just play along, okay? I promise you'll love it."

"Love what?" I shout as she walks towards her car. She just shakes her head, laughing.

I angrily slam the door, stomping towards the phone to call Edward again. It goes straight to voicemail. Again.

"Your daddy is going to be in so much trouble when I get my hands on him," I say, gently rubbing a hand over my baby bump.

We had learned at my last check-up that we were having a boy, a son. Despite his assurances that he would love this baby regardless of the sex, I could tell that Edward was over the moon that we were having a boy, that he would have someone to pass his knowledge on to, someone to continue his legacy.

Given my age, I had expected some complications, but as yet, at six months along, I have had a relatively trouble-free pregnancy, much to the annoyance of Angela who had been plagued by terrible morning sickness during both her pregnancies.

Just as I was about to sit back down, there was another knock on the door. I childishly decide to ignore the visitor as they continue to knock, even ringing the doorbell when it became obvious that I wasn't going to answer.

"Bella?" I hear a voice call from the other side of the door. Alice. "I know you're in there, I can see your shadow through the window. Please open the door."

"Alice this is your house, just come inside," I call back.

"I can't," she whines, I can almost imagine her stomping her foot as she says it.

"Just leave whatever you have on the doorstep then."

"Dad would kill me if I left these out here," she shouts. As much as I hate surprises, my curiosity gets the better of me as I begrudgingly open the door. She looks surprisingly dressed up to be delivering packages, I assume that Edwards cryptic little game has interrupted Alice's own Valentine's plans.

"Are you on a date?" I ask, gesturing to her outfit.

"Am I what?" she says, looking down at herself.

"You're very dressed up, I assume that you and Jasper have plans for today."

"Plans...oh! Oh yeah, we have plans for later," she stammers.

I roll my eyes, clearly she's hiding something but I chose to ignore it, instead focusing on the gift that she brought. It is a flat rectangular jewellery box which opens to reveal a gorgeous white gold and sapphire necklace with matching earrings. They look old, they look expensive, far too important for a simple Valentine's Day date.

"They belonged to my grandmother, Dads mom, they've been in our family for generations," Alice says quietly, carefully watching me.

"They're beautiful," I whisper, wiping a stray tear from my cheek.

"Yeah," she sniffs, discreetly wiping her own tears away. I pull her to me, hugging her tightly.

"Okay," she sighs as she pulls away, smiling brightly. "I have to go and you have to get ready. You don't want to be late."

"Late for what?" I ask, trying to catch her off guard.

"You'll see," she winks. "Bye Bella, bye baby bean." She gives my bump a soft rub before skipping back to her car.

Closing the door softly, I slowly make my way to the living room, placing the jewellery set on the table in front of the sofa, unfolding the letter that was taped to the lid.

_My beautiful Bella,_

_By now you're probably extremely curious as to what I have planned for this evening (maybe even a little angry at me as I know you don't like surprises). I'm sorry for all the secrecy but as this is our first Valentine's Day together, I wanted to make it special, a day that we would remember for the rest of our lives._

_Unfortunately I don't have any clever poems this time, just know that I love you very much and that I'll be waiting for you at four._

_I think you know where..._

_Yours forever,_

_Edward._

I glance at the clock above the mantle. It's almost three already, I'll have to hurry if I want to make it there on time. After all the effort that Edward has pit into this date, I don't want to let him down.

After taking my time styling my hair, my make-up, dressing, I take one last look at myself in the mirror, checking that everything looks perfect, hoping that Edward will like what he sees. Not that he has ever made me feel anything less than beautiful. Gathering my bouquet, and my courage, I leave the house, heading towards my car, towards the park, the meadow where I know he will be waiting for me.

The streets are strangely deserted as I drive through town, the park empty when I arrive, unusual even for a town so small. Making my way across the grass, my coat wrapped tightly around my body, I am thankful that despite the cold, there has been no rain for days. Normally the weather would make the path to the meadow nearly impossible to walk in these shoes.

The scene is familiar yet so very different than the first time I walked this path towards Edward, tulips replaced by roses, soft fairy lights strung through the trees bordering the path, guiding my way.

The biggest difference waits around the first bend.

Edward.

In a suit.

He looks nervous, more nervous that I have ever seen him, but his eyes light up as I approach.

"Bella..." he breathes, taking my hand in his. "God...you look amazing, beautiful."

"Thank you," I giggle. "But I can't take all the credit."

He chuckles, shaking his head. "You're not angry?"

"Oh I was, believe me I was furious," I admit honestly. "But I know now that your intentions were good, that you just wanted to make this date special."

"I did, I do," he says, his expression suddenly turning serious. He clears his throat. "Bella, I know I haven't always done the right thing by you, I've hurt you, I forgot you, and even if we were able to live forever it wouldn't be nearly long enough to make up for what I put you through...all the pain I caused you."

"Edward..." I sigh. He shakes his head, silently asking me to wait.

"But I love you Bella, more than I have ever loved another, more than I could ever love anyone else. You've given me so much already, much more than I deserve, but selfishly I want more, actually...one thing in particular," he says passionately, dropping to one knee and retrieving a small velvet box from his pocket. "Isabella Swan...will you marry me?"

I am frozen, staring as he slowly removes the ring from its box. It's antique, identical in design as the necklace and earrings that I am already wearing. My hormones take control, tears spilling from my eyes, my head nodding frantically.

"Yes?" he asks hopefully, looking for confirmation.

"Yes," I shout, smothering his face in kisses as he slips the ring on my finger. "Yes, yes yes. Oh I love you so so much."

He stands, lifting me gently in his arms, always careful of the precious life I carry within me, whispering his gratitude into my ear. He's so sweet, so romantic, so perfect, I cannot wait to call this man my husband.

"When?" he smiles, confusing me.

"When?" I echo.

"Yes," he laughs, eyes sparking with happiness. "When do you want to get married?"

"As soon as possible," I reply honestly. "I would marry you tomorrow if I could."

"What about...today?"

"Sure, I'll marry you today," I say sarcastically, unwilling to spoil his playful mood with the obvious reality that it isn't possible to get married today.

"I'm so glad to hear that," Edward says, a sly grin creeping across his face. "Come on."

"What? It's getting dark now. Where are we going?" I ask, letting him lead me along the path, deeper into the forest, closer to the meadow.

"You'll see."


	24. Chapter 24

**Yay! Back to back chapters! I really wanted to get this chapter up as soon as possible because it follows on directly from the last one.**

**Huge thanks to those who reviewed the last chapter, put this story on their favourite lists and to followers new and old, you are honestly the driving force behind me finishing this story.**

**:-D**

EPOV:

I can see from her confused expression, as we continue along the path, that she has no idea what awaits her in the meadow. Hopefully she will like it, that she'll be as excited about this as I am or all my weeks of planning will be for nothing, because if everything goes accordingly, before the night is over Bella will be my wife.

My original idea had been to simply propose to Bella, but I found the thought of having to wait even longer to make her my wife more and more unappealing. I was selfish, greedy, I wanted to start my future with Bella as soon as I possibly could.

"Edward," she gasps as the meadow comes into view. Her face is unreadable, I wish I knew what she was thinking.

A circle of glowing lights surround the tables and chairs where our closest family and friends are seated, waiting, an aisle of rose petals cuts through the center, leading to the flowered arch where a celebrant stands ready.

"Bella," I whisper, drawing her attention. Her face is still blank, frozen in shock. I'm forced to consider that perhaps she is not ready for this, perhaps I had been too overzealous. I want her to know that I'm not forcing her, that she doesn't have to go through with it. "If this is too much or too soon, if you're not ready, we don't have to. This can just be our engagement party instead."

She unfreezes, eyes blinking slowly. "It's perfect," she whispers in awe. "So...so perfect. I love it, I love you."

Her lips are on mine before I can reply, kissing me with a passion I had never felt from her before, as if she were attempting to permanently fuse us together. I return her kiss equally, our lips and tongues fighting against each other, working together, all consuming.

"Hey, knock it off you two! Save it for after the wedding."

Bella jumps back at the familiar voice, urgently scanning the crowd before locating the source.

"Emmett!" she shouts, surprised to see him.

"Yeah, yeah it's me," he laughs, humble as ever. "But you've got more important things to worry about right now."

"I can't believe I'm saying this, but Emmett's right," I murmur, taking her hand in mine. "Are you ready to be my wife Bella?"

"I've never been more ready for anything in my life," she smiles, squeezing my hand as we take our first steps to becoming man and wife.

The next two hours pass in the blink of an eye. Vows are recited, promises of love, devotion and forever, rings exchanged before we are officially introduced to our loved ones as Mr and Mrs Cullen. When the celebrant had announced us, I had never been more thankful that, as part of our divorce, I had requested that Tanya give up my surname. Now that name would forever belong to Bella alone.

Bella's smile, much like my own, has not left her face all night. From the moment we said I do, all through the reception as toasts were made, cake was cut, as we shared our first dance as a married couple. Even now as I watch her dance with Carlisle, she looks radiant.

"Unbelievable, right?" Emmett says, dropping into the chair beside me. "Here we are, two happily married men...maybe if I can knock my Rosie up soon our kids can grow up together. That'd be great."

I can't help but shudder at the thought.

When Emmett had asked if he could bring a date to the wedding, the last thing I had expected was for his date to actually be his wife. I don't know what surprises me more, that Emmett married an exotic dancer in a drunken Vegas ceremony, or that she didn't have the marriage annulled the second she sobered up.

Naturally Bella had welcomed Rose with open arms, treating her as another daughter, and if she wasn't so good at keeping Emmett in line, I would be concerned by how quickly she had bonded with Alice. But Rose seemed nice enough, so I was hoping that she would be a positive influence in Emmett's life.

Until she started talking about moving here to Forks.

_Shudder._

But my only real concern right now is my beautiful wife...and how soon I can get her home. Judging by the way her eyes seek out mine, I know she is thinking the same. Without sparing Emmett a second glance, I make my way over to her.

"Ready to go?" I whisper, not wanting our guests to hear my impatience. She eagerly nods her head, smiling up at me.

We quickly but politely say goodbye to everyone and make our way back to the cars, deciding to take mine home, leaving Bella's locked in the carpark overnight. My hand never leaving hers until we reach our house.

Had I been certain of her answer, I would have planned a more romantic destination for our wedding night but the thought of spending an awkward, uncomfortable night in a room together had she said no prevented me from doing so. Not that Bella seems to mind, just happy enough to have us together...alone.

We walk to the front door hand in hand, Bella taking her keys and unlocking the front door.

"Wait," I say, stopping her as she tries to walk through the door. Before she can protest, I sweep her into my arms, kissing her soundly while she giggles at my enthusiasm. I shrug. "It's tradition."

"And it wouldn't have anything to do with you wanting to get me into bed sooner?" she laughs, allowing me to carry her through the door and up the stairs, slamming it shut with my foot as we pass.

"Maybe a little," I admit, brushing my lips against her neck. I place her gently on her feet again when we reach our bedroom, taking a moment to take in the sight of her. My Bella. My wife.

"I love you so much," I whisper, cupping her face in my palms.

"I love you so much," she echoes, kissing me softly, molding her body to mine.

We undress each other in silence, our heated kisses and exploring hands guiding us towards the bed. She is frantic, pulling me down, covering her body with mine, nipping, sucking on the sensitive flesh of my neck, my chest. Her hormones are making her needy, but I want to take our time, savour this first experience as husband and wife.

I pry her desperate hands from my body, pinning them to the mattress as my lips slowly make their journey down her body, sucking, licking on her tender nipples until she's breathlessly begging.

"Edward...please," she moans, the sound making me impossibly hotter, harder.

Releasing her hands, my own travel the same path as my lips, caressing, kneading as I pry her thighs apart, opening her wider to my eager eyes, mouth, her luscious body arching off the bed as my mouth makes contact. I take a deep breath, inhaling her mouth watering aroma before sneaking my tongue out to taste.

"Hmm...delicious," I hum into her sensitive flesh, tucking her swollen clit between my lips, sucking greedily.

Hands grasp at my hair, pulling me harder against her, drawing groans from deep within my chest as I continue devouring her. Her quivering thighs press against the sides of my head, she's close, her moans growing louder.

"Oh god, oh...Ed-Edward," she breaths as her body trembles then stills, mouth open in a silent scream, before sinking back down into the pillows. I love watching her, feeling her come, more so now that I know she is mine forever.

Unable to wait another second, I crawl my way back up her body, positioning my aching cock at her entrance, capturing her lips with mine as I slowly push into her warmth. I could never tire of the way she feels around me, hot, wet, tight.

She wraps her arms and legs around my body, clutching me tighter, pulling me deeper as I thrust into her, watching her face for any signs of discomfort, always aware of how carrying our son is changing her body.

I bury my head into her shoulder, giving into the feelings coursing through my body, fighting desperately to control my impending orgasm, needing to feel her clenching around me before letting go. Feeling both pleasure and pain as her nails dig into my back as she comes, I thrust harder once, twice, as I spill my seed deep inside her.

I'm spent, exhausted, the feeling if her soft hands caressing my sweaty skin, lulling me to sleep. I use the last of my energy to roll onto my back, pulling Bella against me.

"That was amazing," she whispers, her breath tickling the hairs in my chest.

"Mmhmm...you're amazing," I mumble, fighting to keep my eyes open.

"It's alright, go to sleep," she giggles.

"Okay...I love you Mrs Cullen," I sigh, loving the way the words feel coming from my lips.

"I love you too, my wonderful husband," she says as I slip into blackness.


	25. Chapter 25

**I know I've said before that there were two chapters left but I decided that since they were only short chapters, I would combine them into one. **

**So this is it...the final chapter!**

**Thanks to everyone who reviewed and especially to those who have followed it to the very end, without you all I may very well have abandoned this story long ago. You are the greatest readers that any first time writer could ever hope for!**

**I don't normally name names, but I wanted to offer a special thanks to Tarbecca for rec'ing this story over on A Different Forest. My inbox was absolutely flooded with reviews and new followers thanks to you! I really appreciate it.**

**I am currently working on a new story right now, which I will start posting in a few weeks. For those who hated this story, good news! It's completely nothing like Here I Am! Think adventure story with a twist...**

**I hope you all enjoy the last chapter...**

**Thanks again**

**:-D**

BPOV:

I sit alone on the rear deck as the first rays of sunlight break through the trees, a mug of hot coffee warming my cold hands. I had never really appreciated the beauty of watching the sun rise, but in the last few months it had quickly become my favourite time of day, though it wasn't often that I got to experience it alone.

Last night had brought with it a fresh layer of snow, coating the trees and plants, transforming our backyard into a winter wonderland.

The glass door slides open as Edward's sleepy head pokes out, his hair a beautiful chaotic mess. He disappears inside briefly, returning wrapped in a quilt, his little twin cuddled into his chest.

Born two weeks early, Charles Edward Carlisle Cullen, our little Charlie is an almost exact copy of his father, from his crazy bronze hair to his vibrant green eyes framed with long auburn lashes. In the seven months since his birth, he has become our world.

Watching Edward interact, as a father, with Alice did little to prepare me for the powerful emotions that overcame me as at the sight of Edward holding our son for the first time. He was a natural parent.

I, however, struggled terribly. Unable to relax into my role as a mother, I became paranoid that I would fail, that I would make a mistake that could hurt Charlie, frustrated by conflicting advice, unsolicited opinions, I felt as thought I was drowning.

Charlie was barely a month old when I was diagnosed with postpartum depression. The news had crushed me, cementing my belief that I had failed as a mother. But with professional counselling, with Edwards constant support, I began to recover, learning along the way that every worry that I had, every fear, was not exclusive to me, that many new mothers share the same feelings, that I was not alone.

"Good morning," I say as Edward takes his seat beside me on the lounge.

"Morning," he whispers, kissing my cheek as I snuggle into his side. Charlie lifts his head, opening and closing his sleepy eyes before resting his head against his fathers chest. He looks so tired, like he hasn't yet woken completely. I glance at the baby monitor on the table at my side, confused.

"I didn't hear him cry," I say, realising why the monitor didn't make a sound. "Did you wake him up?"

"No," he says innocently, clearly lying. This is not the first time that he has woken Charlie on purpose.

"Edward," I sigh. "You should've left him to sleep. He'll be grumpy all day now."

"But it's his first Christmas, Bella. He didn't want to miss anything, did you buddy?" he says, holding a now wide awake Charlie up to his face, disarming me with their adorable matching pouts.

"Alright," I laugh. "But if he gets cranky later, I'll be handing him straight over to you."

"Deal," he smiles, obviously forgetting how a lack of sleep affects his sons moods.

"Well, I better make my hungry men some breakfast then," I say as I stand, giving my babys chubby belly a tickle. His giggles are the sweetest sound that I have ever heard.

"Yay!" Edward cheers excitedly, clapping his hands as Charlie mimics his actions. Shaking my head at their silliness, I make my way into the kitchen, listening to their chatter and laughter as they follow me.

After sitting them down at the breakfast table with their favourites, bacon, eggs and pancakes for Edward, oatmeal and banana for Charlie, I began pulling ingredients for Christmas dinner out of the fridge, ready to prepare what I can ahead of time.

"What time are Carlisle and Esme coming?" Edward asks, alternating between feeding our son and himself.

"Esme said ten," I reply, pausing to look up at him. "But you know they'll be here much sooner than that."

Shortly after Edward's birthday in June, Esme and Carlisle had made the decision to leave Chicago and move here to Forks to be closer to our family. They purchased a smaller home a few miles outside of town and had happily settled in to enjoy their retirement, dividing their free time between their many hobbies and volunteering at the community center and hospital. Esme had even helped out at the store on more than one occasion.

The biggest deciding factor in their relocation had been Charlie. With both my father and Edward's parents deceased, and my own mother absent, Carlisle and Esme had become a vital part of Charlie's life as his only real grandparents, to Edward and I as our only real parents.

I had attempted to contact Renee many times in the last year to tell her I was pregnant, that I was married, that I was a mother, but the majority of the time I was met with her voicemail. The only time that she had answered I was met with only disbelief and disapproval. I was too old to have a baby, I had used my pregnancy to finally trap a man, not to expect her support when it all fell apart and I was left alone.

I had simply hung up on her, neither surprised nor upset by her comments, she had simply confirmed what I'd accepted long ago. That even though I had lived with her for most of my childhood, she was never a mother to me, incapable as she was for caring about anyone, anything, other than herself. She didn't really know me then and she certainly didn't know me now, so my family and I were better off without her negative presence in our life.

I shake my head, clearing all memories of Renee from my mind, choosing only to think happy thoughts today. Looking over at my husband and son, laughter bubbles in my throat at the sight of them wearing more food than they've eaten. Chuckling aloud, I quickly usher them upstairs to get cleaned and dressed just before the doorbell rings.

"Merry Christmas," I say, cheerful yet confused. "Why did you ring the doorbell?"

"Uh, because we don't live here," says Alice, greeting me with a hug. "We can't just come barging in like we own the place."

"Of course you can. It doesn't matter where you live, this will always be your home. Yours too, Jasper."

"Thanks Bella," he says, awkwardly wrapping his arm around my shoulders.

"So where's my baby bean?" Alice asks, using the nickname that she had given Charlie after my first ultrasound.

"Upstairs with your dad, they should be down soon," I reply, closing the door as I follow them down the hall towards the kitchen.

Whenever I look at Alice and Jasper together, I can't help but imagine what it would have been like for Edward and I if we had been given the same chance that they had. Would we still be together now? I'd like to think so, but without the knowledge of how it feels to live without him, I don't think that I would have been able to truly appreciate having him in my life, and how much I cherish everyday with him.

Alice, having chosen to study fashion design, had been accepted into Savannah College of Art and Design almost 3,000 miles away in Georgia. Edward had initially been angry, claiming that she had intentionally chosen to study as far away from her family as possible. After a tense, silent, week-long standoff between the two, Alice finally told us that she had chosen Savannah because it was the best option for both her and Jasper. A place for Alice to study what she loved, with plenty of employment opportunities for Jasper, they had chosen it with their present needs and future in mind.

The revelation had calmed Edward some, but I knew deep down that he was still uncomfortable with the idea of them living together, living so far away, too far away for him to check up on them, but as their biggest supporter I was proud of them for planning ahead, for thinking and deciding as a couple.

They had flown home yesterday, choosing to stay at Jasper's old apartment above the grocery store, unwilling to surrender their newfound privacy in favor of Edward's prying eyes.

"Someone looking for us?" Edward calls from above as we stop at the stairs.

We look up as Edward's slow footsteps carefully descend, his hands holding Charlie securely under the arms as he slides his diaper clad bottom down the bannister, both their faces shining with joy. I have long given up telling Edward not to do that with Charlie, that it's too dangerous, but it is their favourite game, it makes Charlie so happy, and I know Edward would never carelessly let anything happen to our son.

"Baby Bean!" Alice squeals, scooping her brother from their fathers arms as he reaches the end of the railing. She quickly turns, heading for the living room with Jasper in tow, nuzzling her nose into Charlie's chubby cheeks as he squeals in delight.

"Wow...way to make a guy feel loved," Edward calls after them.

"Love you Dad," Alice yells back. "Merry Christmas."

"Merry Christmas to you too, honey," he laughs, following me into the kitchen.

We work happily side by side, occasionally stealing kisses, until Carlisle and Esme arrive. Minutes later Emmett and Rosalie call to wish us a happy holiday.

Despite moving to Forks shortly after Edward and I got married, they had taken the opportunity to spend Christmas with Emmett's family in Tennessee, knowing that they may not get another chance to travel before their baby is born in a few short months.

Surprisingly, Rose had fallen in love with Forks. Having spent all her life in Las Vegas, she craved the peace and quiet, the relaxed pace of living that our little town offered, and Emmett was more than eager to give her anything that she wanted.

Emmett had taken over Jasper's responsibilities at the store, and despite his former flighty nature, he now seems perfectly content with his small town married life. I credit the change in him to Rosalie.

Later, as we all sit down to enjoy our meal, I look around at my loved ones faces. They all look so comfortable sharing this moment together, so happy. I can hardly believe that just three years ago it was only Jasper and I sitting alonein my tiny kitchen. Now we have friends and laughter and chatter, now we have family. Tears well in my eyes as I'm overcome with emotion.

"Are you alright, love?" Edward asks quietly, placing his hand over mine. Smiling, I turn to look at him. Charlie has obviously flicked mashed peas on his shirt, there's a smudge of gravy on his cheek, but he's smiling back at me.

"Perfect," I whisper. "Everything is perfect."


End file.
